The pink oujia board
Jess McCabe // 20 May 2009
To be honest, kids are probably already going down the wrong path buying an oujia board, rather than making one (can you really suspend your ‘contacting the dead’ disbelief with a talking board made by Hasbro?) But this is… ridiculous:
As A.V. Club says, in its fantastically headline piece ‘Girls like to look at pink while contacting the dead’:
In case you’re wondering, girl, about what makes this Ouija game different from other Ouija games, girl, besides the fact that the whole thing seems to have been dipped in Pepto Bismol and that it includes its own super sleek carrying case, Ouija For Girls comes with suggested questions. Why? Well, apparently girls can’t be trusted to ask the right questions of the demons and spirits surrounding them at all times. Or, as one of the customer reviews put it:
“This is the cutest board. The fact that they made a Ouija specifically for a girl makes it perfect.. Board is sturdy and includes 80 cards of questions in case you get stuck asking any particular question.”
OMG. It’s true. Thinking up questions about your own life to ask the dead is hard! Sometimes you’re at a slumber party, and someone brings out a Ouija board, and the only question you can think of is “Slom?” which isn’t even a word or anything, and would probably just make the princess ghosts who float around waiting for someone to use a pink Ouija very, very angry if you asked it. And you don’t want to get those princess ghosts angry, because when they’re angry they just go around and punch sleeping girls right in the fallopian tubes, which, everybody knows, is how you get your first period. Yuck.
Obviously, it’s much easier to use the question cards.”Who will text me next?” “Who wishes they could trade places with me?” “How many calories am I burning off right now?” “How condescending is this Ouija For Girls game?” These are the questions that you want answered, girl!
(N.B. Although I’m guessing AV was being humourous with the calories question, “who will text me next?” is apparently an actual question taken from the product description)