How to be a feminist boyfriend? And other questions

A reader wrote into the blog Feministe with the question “how do I be a feminist boyfriend?” The comments thread is going strong, but Bitch PhD has some particular advice worthy of passing on, including this:

Dick Move #2: Being patronizing about her anger. Manifestations include “ooh, someone’s angry,” “getting a little testy, are we?” and “whoa, there, tiger!” Given that women are socially conditioned not to display, nay, not even to feel anger, you better believe that when your partner is angry, she means it. If her anger surprises you, say so: “I’m surprised you’re so angry. What’s going on?” If you expected it, then you can just proceed from there.

This is part of the new(ish) Feministe Feedback section, which is proving very good. Previously, the blog has addressed “how to start a successful feminist blog”, finding journals that publish articles by feminist men, etc.

And while we’re on the theme of advice columns, Lesbilicious has great regular feature on readers’ questions. Most recently I’m a lesbian, my mum can’t be!

Of course, we have our own Ask a Feminist section as well.

Posted by Jess McCabe on 11 April 2008, at 5:43 PM | Comments (4)

Your Comments

Shea said:

Dick Move # 3 -- blaming all anger on "that time of the month". No- women can just get angry/moody/pissed off without any hormones being involved.

Posted on 11 April 2008 at 6:27 PM

Lynne Miles said:

Oh I *love* that thread. My top 2:

1) Realise that when I'm ranting about 'men' in general I'm not mad at 'you' personally. Unless I say I am. You don't need to explain to me how you, personally, are not like that and therefore my anger is invalid.

2) Call out your oafish mates when they make one of those stupid all-lads-together I'm-joking-but-I'm-not-joking sexist comments. This might make the biggest difference in the world to me....

Posted on 11 April 2008 at 7:27 PM

Fanny Blood said:

A few of mine:

1) Don't say "oh as if that's happening to women in society" when you no fuck all about what's happening to women in society. Grrrr.

2) Don't say "oh, be quiet, it's just banter" when your friends are being overtly sexist or racist.

3) See Lynne Miles #2


Posted on 11 April 2008 at 10:21 PM

Fanny Blood said:

A few of mine:

1) Don't say "oh as if that's happening to women in society" when you know fuck all about what's happening to women in society. Grrrr.

2) Don't say "oh, be quiet, it's just banter" when your friends are being overtly sexist or racist.

3) See Lynne Miles #2


Posted on 11 April 2008 at 10:22 PM

Have your say

In order to keep this blog as a feminist and friendly space, comments will be subject to some rules. We do not seek to censor debate: the beauty of the internet is that anyone can set up their own blog or website to express their views.

  1. This blog is a safe and friendly space for feminists and feminist allies. Debate and critique are welcome where it is constructive and deepens analysis or understanding. Anti-feminist comments will not be approved. We get to decide what's anti-feminist.
  2. All comments must be approved by one of the bloggers. For this reason, there may be a delay before your comment appears.
  3. No sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic, classist, ablist comments, comments which make personal attacks on any blogger or commenter, or comments that are otherwise deemed offensive by us will be posted.
  4. Trolls will be banned from commenting. We get to decide who is a troll.
  5. No anonymous comments - please feel free to use your real name or make one up, though.
  6. Be nice.

Please note that your email address will not be displayed on this website. All comments are checked, prior to being published on this site.

< back | top ^ | next >

Latest Posts
Appropriate games for girls
Sheffield anti-violence demo this Saturday
Reclaim The Night London
Muslimah Media Watch
Time wasting tool of the day: GenderAnalyzer
68th Carnival of Feminists, and some thoughts on waves
New Cardiff Feminist Group
OK I eat my hat....
And in other news
News Round Up - ridiculous ideas of the day
More posts
Latest Comments
Lew on New Cardiff Feminist Group
Siany on And in other news
sarahcl on More news and views
Anna on Time wasting tool of the day: GenderAnalyzer
Kathy on Time wasting tool of the day: GenderAnalyzer
ethnic midget on Time wasting tool of the day: GenderAnalyzer
Caroline on Time wasting tool of the day: GenderAnalyzer
Renee on News Round Up - ridiculous ideas of the day
Renee on Time wasting tool of the day: GenderAnalyzer
Lynne Miles on RIP Amy Leigh Barnes and Duanna Johnson
More feminist bloggers
There are plenty of fantastic UK feminist bloggers around. For a fantastic introduction to feminist blogging, go to the Carnival of Feminists website, which showcases the finest feminist posts from around the blogsphere, including many from UK blogs.
Small Print
All blog posts are the views of the individual post author, and not those of The F-Word.

Inside this section

Blog Home
Archives by Month
November 2008
October 2008
September 2008
August 2008
July 2008
June 2008
May 2008
April 2008
March 2008
More Archives
Archives by Author
Abby O'Reilly
Anne Onne
Barbara Felix
Carrie Dunn
Catherine Redfern
Guest Blogger
Helen G
Holly Combe
Jess McCabe
Kate Smurthwaite
Laura Woodhouse
Louise Livesey
Lynne Miles
Milly Shaw
Samara Ginsberg
Sokari Ekine
Yvonne Howard
zohra moosa
News prior to April 2005
XML feed Feeds
Latest Blog Posts
Latest Comments

Contact Us

This webpage lives at: http://www.thefword.org.uk/blog/2008/04/how_to_be_a_fem