Hannah said:

Of course...

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 5:10 PM

JoJo said:

On my 25th birthday I was walking down my road to my flat when an older man called something out to me as I went past his parked car. I went back and said something to the effect of, it's not acceptable to say things like that. He tried to justify himself by saying I was wearing jeans which made my bum look nice, and if I was going to do that, well he was perfectly within his rights. I can wear what I like without it being for your benefit, etc etc., I said. I was too disgusted and p*ssed off at having a crap birthday that I left it at that, I wish I'd been more articulate.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 5:14 PM

rooroo said:

Aside from the wolf-whistling (which I get around by having my mp3 player on) once a guy called me a lesbian because I ignored his calls to come to his car and give him my number. Oh, what could have been!

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 5:15 PM

Graceless Atthis said:

How depressing that my first thought on reading this was 'Who hasn't?'
...so that would be a yes.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 5:16 PM

Smart Blonde said:

I have. Apparently my friends and I are "three nice bits of treacle" (said in the most horrible tone) according to some idiot the other day.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 5:23 PM

Ellie said:

I have. I've yet to come up with the ultimate response, so I have to hope that they understand the resigned yet disgruntled eye-roll.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 5:48 PM

Anne Onne said:

I have. Nothing too serious but it's still annoying. It's totally random, and really not a compliment. Like, I have no intention of dating anybody that walks up to me on the street and starts trying to get my attention.

I remember one in particular...I got a wolf whistle from a guy driving a red convertible(!) and I ignored him. Actually, I was walking with my sister, and I casually said 'sad git', which I hadn't realised he heard (not that I cared, I wasn't really thinking about him and his feelings), and he gave me the finger...nice. So much for compliments. Sour grapes, anyone?

And lest anyone starts the whole 'men like complimenting lovely-looking ladies' spiel, I don't dress up walking around town, haven't been wearing make-up whilst out, and my clothing could hardly have been said to be 'sexy'. Women are harassed whatever they wear, and raped whatever they wear, because they are women, nothing more nothing less. And you simply can't avoid either, because you aren't hiding the fact that you are female, and it is that fact which these harassers pick up on and react to, nothing else. and I shouldn't have to pretend I don't have a vagina to not be raped or harassed, because people with vaginas also have the right to walk the streets without fear, as have LGBTQ people and POC.

Oh, and I could have been walking around in a bikini, and it still would not mean I wanted attention. Because, believe it or not, women don't live their whole lives worring about what perfect strangers think about them.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 5:48 PM

Laura Woods said:

Who hasn't??? Apart from the usual wolf-whistles and comments, with the inevitable insults or cries of "cheer up, love!" when I don't fall over myself with delight at the "compliments" hurled my way, I'm also regularly kerb-crawled on my way home. I'm not sure what it is about my jeans, trainers and bulky jacket (my usual uniform) that screams "prostitute" to the casual onlooker... I can only imagine that the types of guys who kerb-crawl just automatically assume that any woman out on her own after dark must, by definition, be a prostitute.

P.S. Just a quick hello to everyone here - I'm a long-time lurker but first-time poster!

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 5:51 PM

Redheadinred said:

Of course. I can't go out without being honked at, and people have asked me to 'suck their cock' when I was just walking down the street. I live in a quiet little town as well, it'd probably be worse in a city. Whenever I mention it to my friends, they confirm that it's not just me, they get it all the time too.

Something less hurtful, but still strange, is when young men with friends go 'excuse me... he wants your number! He really fancies you!' I get they're probably just trying to wind their mate up, but it's weird.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 5:52 PM

Rosie said:

Yes. A few car honks whistles, but more often just random remarks, which may be overtly sexual or just telling me to 'smile'. Which makes me feel horrible.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 5:55 PM

Shev said:

Again.... who hasn't?

First time when I was twelve (I developed early), last time a couple of weeks ago (a good twelve years on) - and not even in the street, but going on a bloody hike in the fields - some tool and his mate were eyeing up my mates, and I heard one of them say, "no, that one." He then proceeded to leer at my breasts, say "Nice t*ts, darling," and, in response to my death stare (I was walking uphill at the time - I am generally far more vociferous), yelled back at us something that rhymed with rigid witch. I have no idea what that could be.

It's not even always sexual - my partner recently got chased all the way down (our) street by a group of lads yelling "Oi, geezer bird. You a BOY or a GIRl or WHAT." And the other day, we were walking into Oxford town centre of an evening (single file, as is polite when the pavement is busy), and a group of lads (yes, them again - never girls for some reason) walking towards us, talking at the top of the voices, and one of them noticed us teeny little women making our fragile way towards them, yelled out "This is my bit of pavement." No, I am not joking. Now, he was walking right on the edge, his mates were taking up most of the rest of the pavement, the road was busy, and I was in direct line of collision. Did I step off to make way? Did I heck. When guys are expecting you to give way for their masculine prowess, they get taken very off-guard when you shoulder barge them instead. Sometimes they even fall over. This is much funnier when they are over six foot two, and you barely make five foot. And, what cracked me up even more, is the look of little-boy-lost when I wouldn't play his stupid game and risk my life stepping into traffic.

*Don't take it.* Obviously, pick your moments (don't put yourself in danger - use a bit of sense. Obviously don't go picking fights, this is not a nice thing to do). But one of our greatest weapons is that it is unladylike to yell in the street - it is unladylike to swear, it is *totally unacceptable* to call a man on his behaviour. It is shocking to them, and upsetting, and they may get angry, but they sure as hell will think again next time.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 6:04 PM

Katchen said:

yup; got threatened with rape on my way home just under a fortnight ago - when I responded angrily the creeps followed me down the road ("It was just a joke - there's no call for that type of language!") until I mimed dialing 999.

Luckily the boy-chick was just around the corner, but having to be rescued would have been... aggravating.

Wish I could say this was anything other than the most recent occasion.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 6:07 PM

a. brown said:

I was catcalled while walking my dog. The two teenagers (in an SUV, of course) got stuck behind a bus and I was able to walk over to where they were and chastise them from the sidewalk. They couldn't move their car, so they had to sit there and take it. I asked them if they'd ever talk to their sister or mother like that, and they'd better hope neither of those women ever find out how nasty their mouths are.

Priceless.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 6:07 PM

Marlow said:

I also wondered 'who hasn't?' when I saw this. I'm fifteen (although I do look a bit older) and it's a bit creepy getting stupid comments when I pass much older guys... thing is, they think they're doing a nice thing and flattering us...

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 6:12 PM

jenniferdrew said:

Perhaps we should ask 'has any woman not experienced male sexual harassment? I most certainly have and I know many of my feminist colleagues have also experienced this so-called male pasttime. Adult males are not the only ones increasingly teen boys and pre-pubescent boys are indulging their male privilege by sexually harassing women and girls.

Now I know where all misogynsts are - they're all busy writing women-hating comments on CIF.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 6:17 PM

Jo said:

Turns out, men find it impossible not to harass you if you just happen to be a woman out with your partner who is also a woman... They appear to see it as even more of an incentive to try and exercise ownership over you. Gah.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 6:34 PM

Clare said:

Count me in, Wolfwhistling, comments, etc. I work in a university building, and last September had to complain about the workers building the new building opposite. They were leaning over scaffolding and wolf-whistling female students as they went past to the extent that I couldn't concentrate on my work because it was constant. I complained to the building services department and the behaviour stopped.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 6:38 PM

Anna said:

yeah, most recently about a month ago in which in broad daylight I was stood by a busstop in a street full of people, group of teenage boys walked past, one grabbed my tits, one stuck his hand in between my legs from behind, and to finish off they threw a bag of dog shit at me, all the while continuing down the street. Noone said a damn thing, including myself.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 6:41 PM

deviousdiva said:

Oh, all the time. Like you said it's "depressingly normal". So much so that at times it hardly registers as harassment if you know what I mean.

Disgusting.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 6:41 PM

ellie said:

I didn't really realise until I came to uni but now it's true...who hasn't?

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 6:45 PM

Saranga said:

I have. Whether that be cat calls, whistles, getting called a lesbian, leered at, having a random guy massage my shoulders for a few seconds at last weekends hen party (seriously, I know he was drunk, but how is that ever ok?!), gettigng roped in clybs, having abuse cos I was a metaller, and lastly having some random guy point at my stomach and say to my boyfriend (not even me) 'that's disgusting'. Fuck you.
And that's just off the top of my head.
Angry now.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 6:48 PM

Bethan said:

Yup.
And far, far too often. I've been reading the Guardian article with interest. I love the 'well if the girls are gonna flaunt it, they're gonna get stared at' line - as if all women are constantly dressed for, and begging, for sex. I wore a wonder bra ONCE when I was a naive 15 year old and decided that it wasn't worth the hassle. So I went back to my 'modest' clothes, not because I'm ashamed of my body but because they're more comfortable and more me. This hasn't stopped the perverts though.
To mention but one horrible experience: there was this bloke who followed me home from work everyday for a month, alternating between spewing degrading obscenities and mock horror that I should take his gestures of friendship (!) in the wrong way. Oneday, having refused an invitation to go back to his, he reminded me that he knew where I lived (and often watched me from his flat) and threatened to pay me a visit later that night to 'teach me a thing or two' - I screamed at him in the street, but this only seemed to increase his obvious pleasure in taunting me. It was only when our paths crossed at the supermarket one Saturday, and he had his toddler-aged daughter with him that he fianlly stopped.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 7:03 PM

Kimberley said:

An update on that Israeli tourist: she's been remanded by an NZ mental health unit after allegedly assaulting a bar worker. See
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/section/1/story.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10512685
(Can links be embedded? There's no preview...)

Since the warmer weather started, street harassment has been running at about once a week for me. I've been blogging about it and got some good discussion which helped.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 7:20 PM

Alex T said:

Yep, all the time. Lots of stories, not enough time to type, just putting my hand up!

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 7:33 PM

Helen G said:

I have. I find it intimidating enough that I won't use public transport at night.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 7:34 PM

Seph said:

*raises hand* I often go shopping on my own, and there's a noticible difference in the amount (and sort) of comments I get when i'm alone, with female friends or with male friends.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 7:39 PM

PC said:

Yep - some old pervert told me what he'd like to do to my "peachy little arse" when I was a 12-year-old boy having a swim in the local baths. But my girlfriend gets wolf-whilsted every day so I guess I can't complain too much about one incident!

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 7:47 PM

Kuja said:

My dress sense is unusual and it's amazing how much it changes wolf-whistles and flirting into confused looks and abuse. It's definitely not better, but I don't understand how my body is so different in a pair of jeans than it is in a floor length jacket. Is a little bit of non-conformism all it takes to ward off these men?

But unfortunately yes, whenever I look passable in the eyes of fashion or if I wear any old pair of heels, I'm greeted with car horns and "alright darlin'?!" The worst thing is, even the most eloquent, cutting and sarcastic response doesn't have an effect on these types of men. They think it's their right to comment on you like that and nothing changes the way they act. :(

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 7:50 PM

The Huntress said:

Yep, very often. Too many times to mention. I'm glad there's now a law against wolf-whistling by builders etc. Whether it'll be enforced is another thing, but the law is a good start.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 7:52 PM

Pippab3 said:

Yup, *hand up*.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 7:58 PM

Feminist Avatar said:

Yup, in the street repeatedly. And had sexual harrassment in the workplace.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 8:01 PM

Stephanie said:

hands up. too many stories to recount!

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 8:04 PM

Mary Tracy9 said:

Yes.

This made me chuckle: "But women love it and ask for it - look, they’ve got boobs!"

Of course we are permanently asking for it! I mean, we are on this planet and all!

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 8:10 PM

Mary Tracy9 said:

Yes.

This made me chuckle: "But women love it and ask for it - look, they’ve got boobs!"

Of course we are permanently asking for it! I mean, we are on this planet and all!

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 8:15 PM

Deborah McAlister said:

*raises hand*

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 8:32 PM

Emma said:

In the last year I've been stopped three times by men who's tried to intimidate me into giving them my details/meeting up with them/going to a party with them. I've been stopped once and asked "how much?". The amount of calls and annoyance I've recieved from men passing in cars is unbelievable, though many of them are commenting on my weight (becasue we know what a woman needs is a random man yelling fatty out of a car window at her). The amount of hassle has increased significantly since summer started and I switched to skirts since they're cooler.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 8:35 PM

E-Visible Woman said:

Yes, yes and yes.

Another point: we're not only noticing this because we are hyper sensitive feminist - my friends and colleagues who don't really think or know about feminism also have constant complaints of street harassment from men.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 8:39 PM

spiralsheep said:

Yes, on multiple occasions.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 8:41 PM

Saskia said:

I have taken to listening to music whenever I go out so I don't have to listen to men calling out to me. They make me so paranoid that I often hold my skirt to my legs with my hands. The other day I came home and told my dad about one man who had particularly upset me and his only consolation was 'Well you'd better get used to it.' Some consolation.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 8:47 PM

Althea said:

I was on the bus the other week, and when I blew my nose the two "men" on the other side of the aisle said "urgh" and then when I laughed, proceeded to call me "dirty bitch" over and over and over while they were getting off the bus. Not. Fun.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 8:52 PM

Li said:

What woman hasn't? I've had comments on my body and wolf whistles, luckily I've only been groped once but that once was when I was 14, okay it was at the Croydon Megabowl which isn't technically a street but the guy who touched my arse was just as much of a stranger.

The most unique incident is probably when two of my friends and I were propositioned by a man when we were coming home from the supermarket. He wanted to have a multi-ethnic foursome.

My younger sister (17) is so intimidated by street harassment that she prefers to walk down a dodgy deserted alley or go out of her way down quieter residential streets than take the main road to get home from school, something I completely understand as I did the same at her age and even younger. That main road has teenage boys on the pavement at that time who are bad enough, but my sister told me that men in vans regularly slow down and drive close to the kerb as they pass her, which is really frightening.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 9:07 PM

Kirsty said:

Hand firmly up. One question to guys out there who do this sort of thing - Has it actually got you anywhere with a woman? Because being called 'sexy tits' by any old bloke in the street is really the way to get my number!

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 9:18 PM

Cath Elliott said:

Thanks for the mention Laura, and thanks everyone for your comments.

As a couple of people said in the CiF discussion, it's a shame we even have to raise the issue of street harassment in 2008, but it's pretty clear from comments here and on the blog that it's absolutely necessary that we do so.

Maybe one day the message will get through. I'll not hold my breath though.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 9:23 PM

Victoria Hughes said:

God, yes. And all my female friends also get shouted and whistled at on a regular basis. I've seen men wolf-whistle at my grandmother, for God's sake. She went over there and gave them a piece of her mind, which was pretty funny, but still, sometimes I despair.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 9:25 PM

Sarah said:

I was harassed by a group of teenage boys when walking home through the local park on Sunday afternoon. They started by asking for my phone number and saying I was 'nice' - I have no idea if they were being sarcastic, probably, but anyway then it progressed to one yelling at me to give him a blow job, then they all got in my way asking me to give them one too and wouldn't let me past. I finally shoved my way through and walked off with them yelling and jeering at me. Probably they didn't mean me any harm, but I felt shaken and upset by the whole thing, and was a bit scared - maybe it's silly, but there were five of them and all bigger than me so it was somewhat intimidating.

The sad thing is I probably won't go through the park any more, which is a shame as it's a nice walk. I already gave up running since moving here, because of the harrassment. I wonder if men who do this realise what effect they're having on women's lives, and how this sort of thing restricts our activites.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 9:29 PM

Bekah said:

All the time, until I started driving, and now instead I get road harassment from male drivers who harass me while trying to intimidate me and my tiny car with their 4x4s.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 9:39 PM

Nicola said:

Yup.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 9:40 PM

Lauren O said:

Yes, definitely. It's happened to me more during the two months I've been in England than during my twenty years in America. And I am just counting street harassment that has happened literally on the street, not the guy who shoved his tongue down my throat in a club. *shudder*

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 9:49 PM

RookRiot said:

*Hand raise*

I get the "nice legs" when I'm wearing shorts. A drunk man once asked if I and my cousin were "naughty girls" as we frolicked around in pound shop cowboy hats - at which point our mothers showed up and asked what he was doing. The look on the guy's face was -priceless-.

Sometimes it's not "hey sexy" type comments - while walking around in a baggy t-shirt with "I Don't Love You" printed across it, several older man stopped in front of me and read it aloud as if there was something "wrong" with it, while another young man yelled "the feeling's mutual!" on his way past.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 9:55 PM

Rachel said:

Yep, where I'm living at the moment I encounter it on almost a daily basis. I even made a series of photographs based on my experiences.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 9:57 PM

Edward Green said:

As a guy with long hair who wears fairly fem clothing I get comments & whistles from men who mistake me for a woman.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 10:07 PM

Amity said:

Many, many times. The most memorable, however, involved a physical confrontation that could've ended much worse than it did. I was 22 and walking home with some groceries. A man approached me and kept getting in my face, telling me to 'smile, baby.' Not in th mood for it, I told him to leave me alone and go harass someone else. He persisted, I retorted again and then he started getting angry, calling me a bitch.

As I waited for the light to change so I could cross the road and get away from him, he suddenly shoved me into traffic. Thankfully the car coming managed to swerve in time but I landed on my hands and knees with my shopping rolling away. I was so angry,I grabbed a tin and whacked him over the head with it, drawing blood and knocking him backwards. He doubled up a fist and glared at me but took off running when a valet from the hotel across the road began running towards us shouting that he would call the police.

I sincerely hope that bastard never told another woman to smile.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 10:10 PM

potemkin said:

a day without harassment stands out more to be honest.
although, being a gender-blending type, there is extra fun in anticipating what kind of harassment it will be. either disgust/ anger when you can be discussed at length and loudly in front of you (my nightmare is a bus full of teenage boys) or on one occasion spat at by a particularly charming chap. alternatively, the minute you are with a girl who happens to be wearing attire that obviously merits such attention (high heels, milord) , you get rather burly men following you out of bars, stroking said girl and asking incessantly for her phone number. when you object to said behaviour, your gender is questioned and you are threatened with death underneath a passing bin lorry.
but we all enjoy a good bit of fun, right? ahem.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 10:20 PM

Catherine Redfern said:

I was harassed today walking home from work near my office, from some guys in a car in slow moving traffic.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 10:35 PM

Roxsie said:

O/

I find that it happens much more frequently when i'm back home in Nottingham than when i'm at uni in Aberystwyth. In Aber you always know someone who knows someone so if it happens it tends to get back to the harrasser. Nottingham it's just outrageous. Okay i'm twenty and 'well proportioned' but it even happens when i'm wearing clothes that cover me up completely.

Okay not on the street but i'd taken a friend to a gig for her 18th and managed to get to the front and this guy behind me kept groping my bum so when he did it again i just threw my head back hard in his face.

'The sad thing is I probably won't go through the park any more, which is a shame as it's a nice walk. I already gave up running since moving here, because of the harrassment. I wonder if men who do this realise what effect they're having on women's lives, and how this sort of thing restricts our activites.' I just don't let it restrict my activities, after all it's their problem not mine. If i want to go for a walk at three in the morning then i should damn well be able to go for a walk at three in the morning and nothing is gonna stop me if i want to.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 10:36 PM

Anne Onne said:

Actually, the most recent one was a few days ago - I was waiting for someone next to a train station, and looking at a flyer for a new restaurant that someone had handed me, when a random man walking past said to me 'I'll take you out', which I ignored, and he carried on.
It wasn't an instance I felt afraid or threatened, but it encapsulates the fact that even the milder street harassment is unacceptable. I was literally minding my own business, and there was no way that man could have had any reason to think I cared about his opinions or whether he even existed.

To him it was probably something he said because he felt like it, just a throwaway comment he vaugely felt I was supposed to find a compliment, because he gave his opinion.

To me, it was a reminder that as a woman, I am not my own person, as far as many men are concerned. My rights and desires to go about my business ignored by other passers-by don't matter, because in their eyes, they have the obligation to share their brainless opinions whenever a thought relating to someone else presents itself. They feel they have to express their thoughts, and I should just accept them.

And just a reminder, because we all need to hear this sometimes: We don't deserve this. Nothing we do or wear warrants this behaviour. It is not a compliment, and you are right to feel insulted, or put off or annoyed. We aren't in the wrong for expecting basic courtesy, and it is not unreasonable to expect strangers to hold off giving their opinions when they are not asked for.

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 10:41 PM

Genevieve said:

Yep...
http://journals.aol.com/redwall33/TheMindofGenevieve/entries/2008/01/07/something-is-messed-up-heresomething-isnt-right-wbr/3268

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 11:00 PM

Alex B (male) said:

I had no idea how common an occurrence this was. I take it it happens more when you are on your own / with only other women? Do you think it's a small number of men that harass lots of girls?

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 11:35 PM

Nadia said:

I have experience street harrassment many many times before. It starts off with the drooling type of stare and then you just know he's waiting for the opportunity to say something stupid. I've come to realise you have to treat idiots like they are idiots. Ignoring just frustrates me, so I just rudely tell guys to stop staring or get a life. If they persist to annoy me, I start swearing at them in public. Men's ego hates that...

Posted on 28 May 2008 at 11:51 PM

Seph said:

In my experience, if i'm on my own or with a couple of girls harassment happens a lot, if i'm hanging out with 1 or more guys it almost never happens (unless the guy i'm with is mistaken for a woman). It also seems to be a large majority of guys that do it, but I think a lot of them don't realise that they're being hurtful, it's just something they're 'used to' especially since a lot of women seem to take it as a 'joke' or even a 'compliment'.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 12:08 AM

EBaezaChavez said:

@ Roxsie----totally agree about Nottingham, its the worst! I get so much more hassle there than I do at Uni in the North.

Most horrible experience was walking through Notts city centre late at night after my bar job had finished and a car full of guys pulled up by me, then three men got out and chased me down the road. I got away, but it was frightening, and I gave up the job soon after.

Grim to say the least.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 12:21 AM

Genevieve said:

Alex B--
Not quite sure. I've never been harassed when in the company of a guy, just alone and with other girls. However, as I read in one of the other comments there are people who will harass women in men's company.
The people who I have found least likely to harass me are men in the company of other women. I'm suspicious of nearly every guy I see near my downtown office, but if they're with a woman, I relax.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 12:26 AM

Shea said:

Oh yes.

I was told by two men in a car that they "would like a piece of that" as they drove past me on my bike. (I seem to get more harassment as a cyclist, I won't speculate why, except could it be they see it as a invasion of their (road) space?). I gave them my usual, patented disapproving head shake and Queen Victoria ("we are not impressed") look, but its just tedious.

In my more die hard environmentalist days I had a t-shirt saying "stop f*cking my o-zone--- get out and walk!". BIG and I mean BIG mistake, I got more hassle and racist/misogynist comments in one day that in the previous three years. Perhaps it was too provocative, but still, in agreement with Anne Onne above, shouldn't we be able to walk around in a bikini if we want to without being shouted at and threatened? After all we are regularly treated to the sight of overweight, sweaty men without shirts in the summer months, and I have yet to make a derisive comment to them.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 12:35 AM

Siún said:

I find a sharp 'fuck off' works surprisingly well, but only if I take every shred of humour and amiability out of my voice. Most street harassers really seem to want to believe they are engaging me in some delightful game, like a puppy who is shredding your stuff, but a lot less endearing.

Anne Onne is spot on about the 'right to be ignored' - the idea that anyone has the right to interrupt a stranger's life to deliver their opinion on them is unimaginably arrogant to me, and while obviously not all men do it, I've never experienced it from a woman, in any sense, never mind in a sexual one. It's an even more gendered behaviour than most.

I think this is one of the many forms of sexism that 'nice' men have a hard time seeing - they're not targets of it, and it's (in my experience) much less likely to happen when they're around, so, like the queen thinking the world smells of new paint, they don't really believe it exists. A very nice man once asked me seriously if builders 'really' whistled at women passing building sites. I tried to explain that this stereotypical scenario is the relatively (obviously not really) cheerful, seaside postcard end of a very destructive, violent spectrum, which is pervasive and unavoidable if you are a woman and you ever leave your home.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 1:22 AM

Emma said:

@Alex B

I've been harassed once I can remember as an incident when I was with men. Two men and two girls sat outisde at night. Two drunken men approached us. They kept repeatedly asking if the two girls were dating the two guys. We made the mistake of saying no at which point they started making sexually suggestive comments. Nothing outright threatening, just making us incredibly uncomfortable.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 1:28 AM

Anne Onne said:

Alex B, if you haven't read this old post by George Mason on when he realised street harassment was a problem, you might want to. It echoes what you said.
http://www.thefword.org.uk/features/2007/03/suffering_in_si

You won't have seen this to this extent, because unless you are a really 'unusual' looking man (and get harassed in turn), any women with you will appear 'out of bounds' to other men. It's not your fault, and it's not a privilege you should lose, it's something we'd like for ourselves, too. That is, to not be harassed.

I imagine that street harassment happens in a sort of triangle. At the bottom, you've got the most common form, which is wolf whistling, telling women to smile, and other less threatening behaviours that are still invasive (since the woman was not paying attention to the man). This is probably fairly common, and probably done by many men, because society propagates the idea that randomly going up to a woman who wasn't looking at you or reciprocating, and telling her exactly what you think is a compliment.

Thinking this is acceptable as a whole leads to some people in society taking mroe extreme actions along the same scale, which I imagine get rarer the more serious they become. These are much more extreme behaviours, and are thought of as acceptable by fewer men the more extreme they get, and I would hope that there are relatively few men who seriously assault or rape women off the street, but it is still a behaviour on the same continuum- beleiving that you 'own' another person, and your wishes and whims matter more than theirs, to the point where you don't see them as human, and don't consider their wishes at all.

I would say these kinds of men are more put off when women are with men (not when they are with other women!) because society gives the tacit message that men own other women. Hence, the stranger would be afraid he might offend a woman's boyfriend if he was being sleazy with her, because she was 'with' him, rather than worry about what SHE thinks, or if SHE wants attention. (though the idiots never seem to think a woman out alone or with friends might have a partner!)

We get this reinforced again and again in media, where we are told people 'steal' partners, and 'mess with one's girl', all of which implies an ownership over the woman. There is the same for attached men, but to a lesser extent.

This is an example of why women's issues are everybody's issues, and especially why they are men's issues. All of us would not have got harassed if there were not male harassers in the picture, and these men need to be taught this is not acceptable.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 1:40 AM

Adele said:

I'm a 17 year old schoolgirl. I get honked at and yelled at (while wearing a school uniform) at least once every few months. And this is while walking home from school, hunched over and tired, in the most unflattering uniform in the world.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 1:47 AM

Anon said:

Me too. (Or me 64 at this point.) There's a low-level harassment that seems go without saying, but sometimes things happen that stick.

Men have often kicked, grabbed or forcefully pushed me (even at the top of stair cases) when I'm out in my wheelchair. It's scary. Sometimes it's just plain hurtful. Once or twice, I've been in a shop waiting to pay for something and the man behind me decides to wheel me out of the line. Just like that!

The first time I went out in my wheelchair my mum and I were so shocked when an aggressive man leaned over me, shook my wheelchair and quickly thrust his groin in my face as he squeezed past. There was about three feet of space in front of us he could have easily used without pressing up against me or moving my chair at all.
I was sixteen.

The second and third time a man did "the groin thing" it still bothered me. Now I just see it as something that happens but it's still upsetting to think about.

On good days I walk, and my disability is completely invisable to the rest of the world. On some "walking days" I feel incredibly vulnerable.

Three years ago, on one of these vulnerable walking days, a man cornered me in a park.

I was 18, he seemed about 40. I'm petite, fragile from my disability and slender. He had huge muscles and stood head and shoulder over me.

He leered. He gave me this grin and nodded his head over and over and over again as he looked me over. He goes, "Yeeeeah. Oh yeah," and keeps nodding and grinning.

I felt sick. My heart was pounding and I didn't know what to do. How do I get out of it? How do I make him go away?

It took me three years to go back to the park he scared me so much. I felt dirty. I felt ashamed. I even blamed myself. It was a hot day but I flung on two jumpers when I got home to cover myself up. I wanted to take a shower so I could somehow shower him away and how he looked at me, but that would involve taking off the jumpers. I couldn't do that. Didn't want to be seen, even alone in my bathroom.

I remember years ago when I'd been shopping with my mum. We were getting back into our car and a man nodded and smiled at my mum as he walked down the road. She nodded and smiled back.
His smiled widened and said loudly, "Tits out, love!" and kept walking.

Stunning.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 2:33 AM

JaneL said:

I'm 19 now, and the first time it happened I was 12- and I wasn't a particularly early developer. When I was 13 I looked 13, and men still shouted out of cars at me and my 13 year old friends who looked 13.

And it's just unremitting; the endless primate looks and comments and stupid car horns that always make me think I've accidentally got my skirt tucked in my knickers or something embarrassing.

And that's what I can't stand. Because if it was just about girls' boobs in summer dresses, that would be crass but managable. It's the fact that more often than not these men seem like the fact it flusters me and that there's a delay timer on my response, meaning I can't make one. It's not actually about me; quite often I think I stand for something and maybe they're not even sure exactly what.

And it's being watched and watched and watched.

Because it's not friendly and it's not appreciative, and it's not even meant to be.

On my bike the other day a man at a bus stop ran in front of me and looked up up skirt (I had shorts on underneath because I was cycling- but he only learnt that because he'd looked).

Occasionally something egregious happens, like the old man who'd started talking to me on the ferry back from a family holiday who followed me on to a lower deck (when feeling uncomfortable I'd made my excuses) and intimated to his son to come over, which the son did holding a condom between his forefinger and thumb.

And sometimes it's just being stared at, by someone who wants you to know they're staring at you.

And when I can, I shout back. But you can't shout down a stare. And when I worked in the pub I couldn't say the withering things I wanted to back to the regulars. Or else, they drive you out of their like they did the 'fat barmaid'. And at least I had the luxury of making a choice to leave, at least for me it was just a temporary studenty job.

But you know, the most eloquent bit of orratory you deliver pavement side can be shot down by even the most underevolved of these men, because all they need to say is "don't flatter yourself, love" and the joke's suddenly on you.

And you know, my breasts aren't even that big, Mr/Ms 'It's All The Fault Of The Wonderbra Wearer's In Low Tops' of the world.
Because, you know, though I happen to conceal mine in an entirely non-wonderous bra they're still sort of, pretty much permanently attatched so what do you really expect us to do?

(oh, dear that was the first thing I've commented here, although I've been reading the blog for a while. Insomnia and anger, I'd imagine)

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 2:35 AM

lauredhel said:

I'm another "Who hasn't?" Generic street harassment (hoots, hollers, leers) started when I was about 13. I've been exposed to a couple of episodes of flashing, several episodes of public transport frottage which left me absolutely mortified. Pub harassment, also; the comments, of course, but also gropes of breasts and buttocks out of the blue from strangers and acquaintances, that sort of thing.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 3:34 AM

Sylvertongue said:

Hell yes. Most recently, a guy getting in face while myself and two female friends were walking down the street. He leaned into my space with, "Hey, beautiful." The most unsettling thing about that incident, though, was that when I snarled at him to fuck off, (he did, shocked) one of my friends chastised me for my "rudeness" and apologised to the creep.

And no, not because she felt that we'd be in danger otherwise...because she felt I ought to be complimented.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 3:53 AM

Kristy said:

I find it difficult just walking down the road! I know i am being constantly looked at and judged by people in cars or walking past and so its not just the arrogant ones (the ones who make a point of mentioning aspects of my appearance that turns them on) that make me personally feel uncomfortable but just the feeling of being examined by everyone. We bought a treadmill because i felt so unsafe going for a run around the block!

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 4:21 AM

cb said:

Yes.. and when it is combined with comments it can be really upsetting (even when the men making the comments assume they are 'complimenting' ugg) . I've had issues about how i look etc (as I'm sure isn't uncommon).
When I shared a flat with my sister, some local guys seemed to think we were lesbians and often made comments walking around. It wasn't even worth the breathe to respond and I had no intention of justifying myself or correcting them.
One time, I was subjected to an extensive critique on my chest-size and body form which still upsets me when I think about it and that was a couple of years back!
I used to live in Italy and the culture is a little bit different there - but somehow it seemed less threatening, I don't really know why - but a -lot- more random 'feels' and 'bumps' on public transport - yuck. The way one tended to deal with that was to raise your voice really loudly and tell the creep to keep his hands to himself. Other women on the bus would be very supportive in this and the jeers would hound them into embarrassment - usually. I'm not sure if it stopped them though.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 6:39 AM

Liz said:

Yes I have; quite a few times.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 7:57 AM

Rachel said:

'Come on love! Smile! It might never happen!'

When I am Queen all these men will die in the first wave.

And yeah, as you say, hasn't everyone? I know I have, and lots of my female friends...

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 8:12 AM

jessthecat said:

Just wanted to add my name to the list. I especially get harassed when I'm riding my bike. Comments along the lines of 'keep pedalling love!' when going up a hill or whatever. Maybe people think they are being nice or encouraging but I just feel so uncomfortable when doing sporty things like cycling as they seem to be 'male' activities. It makes me feel like I'm stupid and incompetent because I'm a woman and somehow that I shouldn't be riding a bike because that's not a ladylike thing to do. Grrr...

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 8:57 AM

Lindsey said:

3 particular incidents stick out in my mind:

1) My first harassment at age 13 when a teenage boy cycled past saying "fucking size of them tits" apparently thinking aloud #eyeroll#

2) In Boots when buying condoms I was followed through the packed shop by 2 teenage boys who kept asking questions about my sexual habits. I think I put him off a bit saying "well obviously not with you" but I wish I'd been a bit more brave - at that age it might have made a difference.

3) when at the bus stop a man came and sat next to me and I felt his hand on the seat get a little to close to my thigh. I stood up, pretending to look out for the bus, only for him to fully cup my bum with both hands! I glared at him and he asked if I 'had boyfriend' (his english wasn't great) I said yes as the bus arrived and he didn't even get on it - he was literally cruising the bus stop for asses to grab! *rage*

Also, when walking down busy main roads and every other male driver is looking at you (sadly the ones who honk are a minority compared to the ones who stare) does any one else fear being responsible for a major traffic accident?

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 9:06 AM

Austin A (male) said:

Being a non-conformist with regards to gender I also experience harassment due to wearing skirts out in general public. One particular time I remember being followed by two teenage boys making comments about my gender, asking me to lift up my skirt and show them what's underneath. Then there are general shouts at from random people, or just the looks of disgust. It makes me worry a lot about wearing skirts in public and generally I'll only do it if I know I'll be going somewhere not in public and amongst friends.

One thing which people may or may not agree with me about, I do enjoy appreciating people's appearance, specifically the clothes they wear (particularly if it's more alternative) and occasionally I will wander up to someone, tell them that what they are wearing is particularly nice, then turn and walk away so that I don't seem imposing. Do people think that is intrusive too?

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 9:08 AM

Amanda said:

Yep, Shouted at, wolf whistles etc. Nothing too threatening but it still not ok!

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 9:11 AM

Jessica said:

I have, but rarely. I am lucky not to have had any of the nastier comments which I hear my friends complain of.

Until recently I wondered whether this was because of the area I live in, but I have come to think it is because of what I wear. I have never been leered at or had any other comment made while I am wearing a suit.

I have an hourglass figure, and my suits flatter my figure rather than hiding it. However, the only harrassment I have ever suffered has been while wearing casual clothes. I have been forced to come to the conclusion that the men who would wolf-whistle me if I wore jeans are afraid of my pin stripes and shirt.

Have other people had the same experience?

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 9:30 AM

batty said:

First time I was about 12, walking the dog in a field and some creepy guy patts my ass. Nice. It's been a pretty relentles torrent since that day foward really. Welcome to womanhood eh?

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 9:36 AM

Jennifer-Ruth said:

*puts hand up*

I hate being told to "smile!" or "cheer up!" by random strangers - I have asked my male friends about this and not one of them had ever experienced this. My female friends on the other hand...

The other week I had leery football fans shouting "Nice tits" as I walked home from work. Most incidents of street harrassment I have experienced have been that sort of thing.

However...there was this one time that when I didn't respond the cat-caller got aggressive - it was evening and getting dark. He followed me for over 15 minutes yelling that I was a "cunt" and that he was going to "rape me." I felt so threatened, it was extremely upsetting. And basically, I think that is how all cat-calling comes across - it might be "just for a laugh" or "harmless fun" to the man cat-calling, but for the woman it could be one step away from something seriously nasty happening. You don't know that stranger. You don't know what he is thinking. He could easily be one step away from turning aggressive.

I would be surprised to learn of a woman who has not experienced street harrassement (and would love to know where she lives).

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 9:38 AM

Steph Jones said:

Yes, quite a few times - mostly 'cat-calling' (I really dislike that term), and some sexual provocation in the past when I've been occasionally 'read' as transsexual - for some reason men seem to think if you are a transfemale, you must be 'up for it', or that sex/appealing to men must be your 'motivation' for being a transwoman - well, guys its not!!!

And as for the bloke leering at my chest yesterday on the train and calling me 'orlright babes' - well, I'm just fine thankyou but I'm not your 'babes'.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 9:55 AM

Alison said:

It happens frequently; I've had wolf whistling, comments, thumbs up and barking. It's a disgrace that in this day and age men take it upon themselves to harass women going about their daily business in this way.

I always just ignore it. Why they think it's supposed to make our day is beyond me. Typical male arrogance, we're put on this earth solely for their benefit.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 10:22 AM

Charlotte said:

another "who hasn't?" One road on my way to uni is particularly bad, it's a fast road so guys can shout/whatever out the window and are gone quickly before anyone notices who it is (not that they'd care, I imagine). It doesn't happen very often thankfully; I usually walk with my boyfriend and it never happens when I'm with him, only the infrequent times I'm walking on my own.

Re: Jessica's comment about what you wear, I find that it doesn't make much difference if I'm wearing a skirt/ low cut top, I can be covered up in a jacket and scarf (which I usually am) and it's still the same. I only ever drive when wearing a suit for work so I'd be interested to see if I notice a similar difference...

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 10:30 AM

Clare said:

I once got groped and fingered by some frankly, gruesome old men in a pub quite randomly. It was at the crush at the bar and I was too scared to say anything. Sad thing was, I was 17 and can remember feeling ashamed, like I'd invited it by being there, rather than angry at how they dared.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 10:30 AM

Clare said:

Oh, and being 7 months pregnant doesn't seem to stop catcalling either.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 10:33 AM

lauredhel said:

I've just realised that I can't recall a single episode happening while I was walking my German Shepherd or one of my Dobermanns, which I've had and walked regularly for a couple of decades of my life.

Which confirms to me that it's all about creating a credible threat, not about expressing appreciation or trying to make a connection.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 10:48 AM

Cic said:

Seems like a strange question. Since I was about 13 I have had wolf-whistles, car horns, comments etc. more or less constantly on the street although since I turned 30 it's happened less. I suspect that is partly to do with my more-confident stance, and unwillingness to bow my head nervously when passing men on the street. Now if I get any comments, I just stare blankly at the men in question or raise my eyebrows, which has the gratifying effect of making them look embarrassed.

Most recent bad event was being surrounded by group of provincial lads (or at least that's what they looked like) out on the town in Notting Hill Gate who all started leering, then grabbing at me. Very frightening. I nearly hit one of them with a DVD I was trying to take back to the shop and stopped myself just in time. 7pm, busy street. Nasty.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 10:55 AM

Cara said:

Yep *puts hand up*. Who hasn't?

Several times...quite recently when it was hot, some guy called out from a car, just something like Awright darlin' - nothing overtly sexual but as has been pointed out, if you ignore it, it can rapidly go from Hey gorgeous to &*(()() ing bitch etc. Anyway *sighs* I realised summer was here and yet again, if women dare leave the house in clothes that reveal any flesh - and I was wearing jeans and a T-shirt, nothing particularly revealing - harrassment follows.

Compliments are fine. A woman once came up to me and told me she loved my shoes. It made my day. But harrassment is not about appreciation...it is about - as Laura said above - showing who is in control of public space, that women are only there to be assessed and admired, or not, by men.

A comment on the Cath Elliott piece interested me - someone said that men would take her hat from her head and try it on. That reminds me of one incident at a bus stop, where a guy just grabbed my scarf and pulled. I was freaked out - for all I knew he could've been a mugger/ psycho rapist and murderer trying to grab me by it and drag me off. All I could manage was What do you think you're doing? - after realising his intentions probably weren't criminal and unfreezing. He thought it was hilarious and didn't get what my problem was until I really let him have it. Hopefully he learned not to grab strange women by the scarf. Freak.

Another time I remember, some guy who was handing out fliers just shoved one into my bag - again at a bus stop, as I had opened it to get my pass.

It sounds trivial, but both felt as if I had been violated in a small way. I reckon guys wouldn't dare invade another guy's personal space/ property in this way; women are seen as public property who men may touch/ comment on etc. at will and her feelings don't really come into it. *Rage*.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 10:56 AM

saranga said:

I should have included being told to smile, constantly, from the age of about 3 and being followed by blokes down the street. For a few years when i was by myself on the train between Headcorn and London I would ALWAYS have a foreign bloke sit next to or opposite me and try to talk to me for the entire journey. I was about 18, looked about 14 and was trying my best to ignore the git and read my book. Not nice.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 11:01 AM

mia said:

Yes, yes and yes.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 11:17 AM

Emma said:

@Austin A, I'd find that intrusive. However, it should be noted I'm a fat girl, so most of my life I've been subjected to complements followed by jeers or mockery, especially if I show any sign that I believed them, so the compliment would automatically seem insoncered to me, pretty much however you delivered it.

Also, if a man, however non-threatening or whatever he was wearing, approached me, told me he thinks I look good, then walked away, I would feel threatened. It breaks me bubble. It reminds me that I'm constantly being evaluated on my body, my clothing, my hair, by all the people around me. It would make me feel conspicuous and watched. If you walked over, struck up a conversation, even if it was about innane shit like the weather, and gave me a little space to respond after making the compliment, then it would feel like a compliment, because you're taking the time, even if only briefly, to know and appreciate a little about me as a person, not just as a physical presence.

((I've been sat here deliberating whether to post this, because I feel like I should take it as a complement if someone did what you're descriding to me, that I'm somehow not entitled to feel upset by it, and that's the problem in a nutshell really, isn't it?))

And, just in general, hell yes to the constantly being told to cheer up or smile. Maybe I don't want to smile. Maybe I'm not here to facilitate you and the expression on my face is not relevant to you in any way. I also get a lot of blokes commenting to me and using pet names on the street. I am not your love, your pet or your dear. Please don't use those names for me.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 11:24 AM

Sabre said:

A few weeks ago I was rushing along the pavement in a quiet residential area and noticed a group of three boys (they did not look older than about 20) loitering on a street corner. I saw them eyeing me up and down and got the familiar 'oh crap, please don't talk to me' feeling. As I walked past, one of them said "hey laydeez" (in a triumphant 'hey woman, there's a big man here' kind of way) and when I completely ignored them and kept going, head down, I overheard them saying how rude I was and how stuck up some girls can be. Grrr

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 11:24 AM

Qubit said:

Not as much as everyone else but there are certainly some things I can think of.

Most significantly I remember being in Woolworth when I was quite a bit younger (can't remember exact age) and someone pinching my bottom. I felt dirty for quite a while after that.

Another weird one I remember, although it may have less to do with being a woman, was me and a female friend being approached early evening in a quiet area and being asked if we thought the security camera in the area was working. The guy then ranted about the Labour council and big brother. That was possibly harmless but we weren't sure so left as soon as possible.

In a similar vain to how this behaviour is perceived I was walking behind a group of girls discussing the recent (stranger) sexual assault of a girl from their uni which had taken place down a quiet street (which weirdly is the main route to some uni halls) at 2am one morning. The discussion of the horror of the incident was followed by 'well what did she expect walking home alone at 2am'.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 11:29 AM

Cara said:

Remembered another time - on a bus when 2 foreign guys were blatantly staring at me, I mean really staring making me feel very uncomfortable - I made eye contact in the vain hope of intimidating but one said, in a really sleazy way, You alright? - I moved to another seat, and heard them laugh, indicating they knew *exactly* what they were doing. Morons.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 11:36 AM

Cara said:

And 2 weirdos who decided to literally jump right in my way as I was walking down the street minding my own business...so I had to move out of the way which was kind of the point, yep, men own public space.

And "smile" OMG...I am soooo sick of that...

If only we could slap these idiots. Really.

(I did shout something insulting after the guys that jumped into my way ;-) made me feel better anyway.

I will definitely have a read of that, Catherine, thanks.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 11:40 AM

Cara said:

Oops - not that being foreign made the guys any worse or really had anything to do with the incident - I wouldn't want anyone to misconstrue that!

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 11:43 AM

Jessica said:

A couple of weeks ago I was sitting on my bicycle at a red light in Shoreditch, and some guy creeped towards me and caressed my hand (which was on my bike's frame) up and down.

He was drunk, but fuck me if it's an excuse. I was absolutely creeped by it.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 11:49 AM

Li said:

I thought I should add, because of the (load of crap) idea that it has anything to do with the way a woman is dressed - I've found that the level of harassment I get has absolutely fuck all to do with how I'm dressed.

They harass me if I'm wearing trainers.
They harass me if I'm wearing heels.
They harass me if I'm wearing trousers.
They harass me if I'm wearing a skirt.
They harass me if my top's low cut.
They harass me if I'm wearing a coat -
I got yelled at by some guy in a van once whilst wearing a thick coat, jeans, hat and scarf. With flat shoes. How's that for "unsexy"? But still, he yelled.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 11:53 AM

Lucy said:

I had just left work having had a terrible stressful day and was wearing nothing that anyone could interpret as 'provocative' yet I was approached by a group of men, one of whom yelled 'SLAG!' in my face.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 11:56 AM

Davina said:

They've closed comments on the CiF thread - shame, as I was going to link to this post in my comment (in retrospect probably not a good idea, given the ferocity and just general mean-ness of some CiF commenters - don't want them coming over here!).

I was going to link because some men & women just don't believe it's as widespread as it is, or believe it happens because women wear low-cut tops, etc. - anything to excuse what is blatantly just plain harassment.

For me it started when I was 13, and it has never really stopped. As Samara said, it is infuriating because it is not all men who do it, just a minority of pervy/abusive/dangerous men.

Men who smile at me? Ok. Men who say 'good morning'? Ok. Men who say 'I just wanted to tell you, you look really pretty today, hope you have a good day'? (as happened to me a week ago) Ok. Quite nice, actually.

Men who deliberately walk in my way, block my way, get way too close to me and mumble something sick in my ear, beep at me, yell out of their cars (and roll the window down to specifically yell), spit out of their cars, walk up next to me as I'm walking and ask me questions about my body - NOT FUCKING OK!

Those are all older men - haven't even gotten onto the 20-something lads and then the teenage boys..

Angry now.....

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 12:08 PM

Traykool said:

There is building going on outside my job and I walk the long way around to avoid the comments from the workers. It's a horrid feeling. And if I want to go to the shops I ask one of the lads from work to walk with me. The things they say are so crude! I'm so sick of it!

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 12:10 PM

anna rannva said:

i got harassed when i walked past a group of rudeboys with one of their "i am a tough man with a penis-dog" , but i was in a group of 6 of my male friends. that was the first time i got harassed when i was with other guys, usually its when im on my own or with girlfriends. once i was waiting at a bus stop, for a bus as you do when i was asked if "i was out on business" aka a prostitute, stupid man! im at a BUS STOP thats why im standing on the street! he felt pretty stupid and scuttled away. ive been harassed too many times to mention, and i want to be happy today so i wont go into them otherwise i will spend all day angry.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 12:26 PM

Louise said:

All the time. I ride a bike everywhere, and some men seem to think that's enough to warrant a hilarious comment about keeping fit, nice bum, etc. Especially they're in a van, and god help me if a microscopic strip of flesh dares to show between my top and back of my trousers!

It's not even the comments that bother me, it's the whistles, the hisses, the sleazy noises as I pass.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 12:29 PM

Sarah said:

About when it is appropriate to compliment someone on their appearance or clothes or whatever, possibly a good guidleline is - would you say the same thing to a man? If not, why not?

It's also important to remember that many (most?) women have been subjected to years of annoying and frightening harassment when just trying to walk down the street, so keep that context in mind when you consider giving a stranger a 'harmless' compliment or accuse her of over-reacting if she seems hostile or upset in response.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 12:38 PM

Soirore said:

Yes a few times but only when alone. My *favourite* was "Oi you! Didn't I f*** you last night?" a bizzare thing to shout I thought, and he carried on yelling sex stuff while I walked swiftly away. He was in a group so I didn't want to engage with him.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 12:43 PM

essjay said:

Yeah, another "who hasn't".

First time I can remember - I was 13 and 'fully developed'. A whole 36B, well worth of comment doncha think (

24 years and too many incidents on, I go for public humiliation in the possibly vain hope that they'll think twice before doing it to someone else. Even if this is a vain hope, at least I don't walk away fuming and feeling powerless.

I try not to use bad language, thereby leaving me with the moral high ground. "Fuck off" doesn't make someone look small. Drawing attention to their behaviour does.

Guy wanking under his coat on (a busy) tube whilst rubbing his knee up and down against mine - loud and incredibly polite "Excuse me, would you mind not doing that please?" At least 50 people stare. At him, not me.

So called "artist" in Covent garden who thought it was funny to wallop me on the backside with his toy sword as I rushed by, head down, late for a meeting. At the advice of Westminster council, to whom I complained first, I called the police. With the backup of a nice policemen standing behind me, gave him the third degree on how and why he thought it was acceptable to raise cheap laughs from someone who was literally just walking past and not showing any desire to be drawn into his act (I phoned and cancelled the meeting while waiting for the police - this was more important). The audience for me telling him off was MUCH bigger than the one for him hitting me. Nice.

Unfortunately, we have to take our own safety into consideration - in both those incidents there were enough 'witnesses' that I felt safe enough to challenge. It makes me feel angry and sick when I have to shut up and put up.

Most men manage to show some respect most of the time. So there is NO excuse for any of the rest of them.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 12:54 PM

Ollybeth said:

When I was fourteen or fifteen, I used to get harrassed by a man on my way to school every morning. He was a car-park attendant and I had to walk through the (usually deserted) carpark to get to school, and every time he saw me he'd wolf whistle or ask for my name or make lewd comments. My school had uniforms so he knew damn well I was just a kid; he must've been about thirty. I didn't really know how to handle it, especially when my glare-o'-death didn't put him off, so eventually I thad to get my dad to come with me one morning and tell him to knock it off. It still makes me angry to this day.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 1:05 PM

Annika said:

I read this post, as I'm sure you all did, and thought "Who hasn't?"

Seriously, street harassment is something in which we all experience on a daily basis. So much so, that some women may not even class it as harassment as they are so used to it.

The different experiences written here prove that no matter what your background is, or what you look like, or what you are wearing, the street harassment is always there because we are women.

We identify it as a concern. We identify it as a problem. We know it happens to ourselves, our friends, our sisters and even our movers. We know how it makes us feel. And from looking at the comments on the Cif page, we can see what response we get when we express all this.

Questions is, knowing all this, what are WE going to do about it?

I'm definately up for some awareness raising and campaigning (spelling??).

Whats the plan?

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 1:11 PM

Susannaaaa said:

The first time I can remember was walking past a group of teenage boys when I was about 12, just when I was beginning to develop in the chest region, and being asked "Can I suck your titties?" When I didn't reply another one yelled "Hah, I forgot, you don't have any!" I think the fact that this was blatantly untrue (and being aware that the only reason they shouted in the first place was my recent development) has meant that I've never been under the misapprehension that these sorts of taunts are meant as actual compliments.

Recently though, having avoided most of this kind of shit all winter (mainly by being a recluse), for the first time this year I wore a skirt and high heels to the Eurovision party I attended on Saturday.

I took a taxi to my friends' flat but due to funds had to get the bus back and walk home. By 2 am I was literally round the corner from my flat, in a pretty nice residential area of Glasgow, when some guy got out of a taxi, absolutely steaming and blurted "Awright hen?" at me. "Uh huh." I replied curtly, speeding up. "Gaun hame?" was shouted after me, and when he got no reply, "C'n ah come?"

"No!" I shouted back, and he thankfully didn't pursue the matter, or in fact me, beyond shouting "Please!" just as I turned the corner.

Christ.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 1:14 PM

Sarah said:

Hand Up!

My worst experience most recently was walking home from work on a Saturday night and two lads passing me in the street. At exactly the moment we crossed paths one stuck his hand out and groped my breast. They didn't stop or anything, it was a grope and run! They didn't even run, actually, they just carried on their merry little way. I was so shocked, all I could do was shout 'Fuck You!' after them (didn't feel it wise to follow them and keep shouting, since I was alone, they were obviously drunk and it was dark). Their only response was to laugh. Man, did I want to hurt them!

In response to what happens when you are with another guy; I was walking with my boyfriend when a car slowed down and a guy shouted out 'I'll give you five quid for her'. So offensive. Talk about possession!

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 1:34 PM

Ariane said:

I've never noticed ordinary street harassment (aimed at me). I'm not sure whether this is because I am oblivious, or am just so uninteresting that I have never caught anyone's attention.

But I have seen and heard plenty, routinely, aimed at others.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 1:42 PM

Anna said:

"There is building going on outside my job and I walk the long way around to avoid the comments from the workers."

Complain to the site manager - my dad has been working on various sites for the last 20 years and says if there's any complaints about verbal harassment, however minor, that worker is out on his arse quicker than he can say "give us a look, then".

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 2:01 PM

Harpymarx said:

Yeah, "who hasn't"....

I was off sick last summer from work and was getting myself back together, confidence wise etc. such as going out enjoying the sun etc when some creep of a bloke stopped me on the pretext of asking for directions then decided to harass me about whether I had a boyfriend (????!!!!!!!).

I walked away and the joker followed me. Before I have said "f&ck off" etc. but my confidence was low.

And I just felt so bloody crap and powerless re the incident that his sexual harassesment knocked me back and I became angry with myself.

And many women do end up blaming themselves when it is NOT our fault but this patriarchal/capitalist society likes to make us think it is..

And why the hell should women have to put up with this sexist crap!

I am not angry at myself anymore.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 2:14 PM

Oxymoron said:

Hand up, and one for my sister.

I've also found that cycling evokes more responses, but also walking alone, walking with friends, walking with my boyfriend...

The instance that stands out in my mind is cycling home from work about nine in the evening. I was on the pavement (don't trust the cars in my area!) and there were 4 or 5 lads about 16-17 years old on the pavement taking up the whole space. I said excuse me and they let me through and I said thank you. As I went past they said something along the lines of 'that's alright darling' and all leered at me. I was furious, not only because I was expecting better, but also because it was so patronising! I'm 17 myself and it just felt like they were talking down to me simply because I was a woman.

My sister sister gets leering and comments all the time and has now talking to saying "I'm 15 you pervert" with a death-look and walking away, but even this doesn't work all the time. I was with her a few weeks ago buying ice creams, we walked out of the shop and some guy yelled "didn't I fuck you last night" at her, to which she replied as above, and he laughed in the most disgusting way and made some comment about "even so..."

It makes my skin crawl! But I also hate that I feel so guilty when it happens. Hearing all of your stories on here has made me more determined to call it up when it happens though. Thank you and good luck to us all

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 2:32 PM

Jess said:

I am student and I live in a rough area of South London and I get some form of it almost every time I leave my flat.

It is humilliating and scarey, if i ever protest about the comments or "kissy noises" or leering, often men become agressive.

This needs to stop, I am sick of living in fear and embarrassment of being a woman. Street harassment is one of the main reasons why I became a feminist.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 3:03 PM

Rachel said:

Yes, of course! Damn, I wish I hadn't looked through the comments before writing mine - was just reminded of a particularly nasty bit of harrassment when I was 12, the kind of thing you put out of memory for ages at a time and are unpleasantly surprised to remember :(. But it's happened more recently as well. I'd be surprised to find any woman who hasn't been harrassed in the street, really.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 3:36 PM

Sara said:

cat calls, shouts from men in cars (who, strangely, don't like it when you shout back), groped by a guy in a club, etc, etc, etc. hand up, yup, right here.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 3:45 PM

Mulierb said:

Yep, two or three years ago in a club in York i was walking through a crowded club with friends and inadvertently walked through a group of men, one of whom pulled me backwards by my hair. Cos I didn't know who did it i could only shout a general 'F*%$ you' at them.

Then the other year in a club in Dublin a guy kept grabbing me from behind when I was dancing with friends. He wouldn't let go and I kept shoving him off, and finally he nearly pulled me over. I was so angry and upset that I turned round and kneed him right in the um, you know. Last I saw he was hopping off the dance floor, bent double.

Its hard on a day-to-day basis when you don't feel brave enough to challenge that kind of behaviour or when other people present just ignore it and you feel you have no support.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 3:51 PM

rattenmaus said:

*raises hand*
During the summer I literally can't leave the house alone without having strange men shouting or whispering obscenities at me.
They tell me that I should smile, that it's a pity I'm so pale, make sounds that are supposed to illustrate the movement of my boobs, tell me disgusting things they want to do with me - most of the time the latter is even yelled.
If I don't respond I'm called bitch or lesbian (how else could I resist such charms!).
Sometimes it's little old men that look like they wouldn't hurt a fly, whispering "cunt!" under their breath as they pass me by.
I also have been groped in a bus when I was about 14, and there have been attempts to do this since then, but I always managed to weasle my way out before somebody actually touched me.
There have been construction sites and road works right next to my house for the last three years, and when it comes to harrassment it has been the worst time of my life. I never walked past those sites without being subjected to some kind of harrassment, most of the time blatant stares at my chest, accompanied by big grins or approving nods.
Most of the time I'm too scared to say something to the workers, because I know I have to pass them again the next day, and if I do so much as glare at one of the angrily they will chuckle at me and whisper to each other while they grinningly stare at me walking by.
It doesn't matter what clothes I wear, if I look like I'm happy and confident or sad and shy. It has nothing to do with how I carry myself.
It has become worse though since I have started dying my long hair red.

In all those years of constant harrasment in public there have only been two occasions where somebody tried to help me. One time I wanted to leave a train, and some drunken guy (there was a singing soccer club, the song being about how they would kill the players of the other team and rape their wifes...) grabbed me by the arm and wouldn't let me leave the train, telling me to stay and party with them. I was around 16, that guy was in his forties. Then a little old lady who had looked like she was asleep, I bet she was about 70 or even older, suddenly jumped to her feet, grabbed that guy and told him to get off me. I had to run to be able to still leave the train so I couldn't thank her, but she was my hero of the day, maybe the year.
The second time was about a year ago, when a group of youngsters kept calling after me on the street, I tried to ignore them, and then this woman (around my own age, 23 at the time) jumped in and told them I was her friend and they should let me be. She even came to me and asked me if I was okay, but I was so angry at the guys and at myself for not defending myself, that I was kinda rude to her, and I'm still sorry for that.
I wish more people where brave enough to help girls in such situation, and be it only yelling back at the jerks.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 4:01 PM

Virginia said:

Another me too. The first time I remember particularly was a bloke trying to look up my skirt when I was cycling home from school - I ended up falling off the bike trying to avoid him, then luckily a car came round the corner and he ran off. The police suggested I stop wearing a skirt on my bike. The most recent (and I'd almost forgotten it until I started reading this thread, because it wasn't terribly bad as these things go) was when visiting a friend a couple of weeks ago. I stood on the steps of her block of flats to have a cigarette early one evening, and a bunch of youngish men were walking by and stopped to offer comments on my appearance. I ignored them, they took offence, I told them to fuck off and they took greater offence, but by that point I'd finished my cigarette and retreated into the building.

In the intervening 25 years I have been followed home, shouted at, grabbed at, told to smile, &c &c, all many times. I don't consider myself to have had particularly bad experiences of harassment, compared to some of my friends and some of the posters on this thread, but oh yes it has helped make me a feminist and angry.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 4:21 PM

LauraR said:

Yes, I have been harassed in the street. This is my first post here, by the way, so hello everyone! I am a long-time lurker and love the site.

In common with many women here, it started when I was about 13. Now in my thirties, it has abated somewhat but it is interesting to think about why that might be. I used public transport a lot more in my teens/twenties, and that is where I recall most of it taking place. One man once groped me in full view of other people on the (packed) bus; nobody said a word - some people even looked away - and I, being naive and 17, was too embarrassed to complain. That's just one example. An awful lot of the harassment took place literally on my walk from the bus stop to my house. Men have approached me in the street, stood in my way, groped me, leered at me out of vans/cars etc. I can honestly say it used to make my life a misery.

How I wished I could have been invisible. I now travel everywhere in the car and consequently don't get it as much. But it saddens me to think about how I have made conscious decisions not do some things so as to avoid the harassment. For example, I enjoy running to keep fit. I have run outdoors but find it easier to run on a treadmill in my own home. I had to weigh up the disadvantages of running outside: men shouting things from moving vehicles; men using their fingers/hands to demonstrate what they would like to do to me; men throwing water bombs at me from moving vehicles; a field-full of men ostensibly playing football who turned and stared quite openly as I ran past - the list goes on. By running in my own home, I avoid all of this - and that is, quite simply, an absolute relief. I do of course also miss out on all the advantages of running outdoors: fresh air, differing/challenging terrains, sunshine, rain, feeling the wind in my hair. And that is sad.

It is for the same reason that I've never taken up cycling. If men would just let me go about my business, there's a lot more I would do outdoors. As Anne states above, we should have the right to be ignored. How awful that 50% of the population is treated every single day of their lives as though their only purpose for living is to provide sexual titillation for the other 50%.

My next worry is my 6-year-old daughter, because I know she's got it all to come - and that, quite frankly, makes my blood boil.

I don't think we should take it lying down.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 4:53 PM

xapplelnx said:

Of course. *sigh*
Car honks, whistles and comments. Luckily nothing too bad, all things considered, but it's not about the severity, it's about the frequency and the fact any kind of harassment is harassment and must stop!

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 6:07 PM

vicky said:

I've also experienced harrassment, and I'm aware that it affects the way I move through public space, particularly when walking through busy sections of towns late at night when I tend to look down to avoid catching people's eyes, distract myself by listening to loud angry music, and scowl. I'm also deterred from running outside because it does seem to attract more comments (and have female runner friends who make it a rule to never wear shorts and a sleeveless top at the same time because it just attracts to much attention from some men).

I do tend to cycle to work and find this attracts a fair amount of idiot commentary, but am never sure how much of this is because I'm female per se and how much just because I'm a cyclist (a surprising number of car drivers seem unable to accept that cyclists ARE allowed on roads) - often comments / insults are pretty incomprehensible when shouted out a moving window of a rapidly overtaking vehicle .

But I totally agree with other posters that harassment is about power not flattery: I once got groped while working as member of a security team in my students' union at an evening event - In contrast to the dressed up girls enjoying a night out, I was wearing a baggy top, trousers and no make up. Clearly my harraser was attracted by the idea of undermining my authority rather than my skimpy attire.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 6:26 PM

Gemma said:

*raises hand*

It was worse when I lived in Aberdeen- there was a guy in my building who was just a complete tosser. Stopped me on the stairs- at first I thought he was just another lost foreign student (I was well known around the building as a warden) but then he started turning up at my flat etc, and was totally persistent. Followed me to the supermarket- I told him no many times and his only response was to say 'but you are not married!' and continue. He gave up eventually, thank god. I also got regularly groped at clubs, especially The Priory, which I just had to stop going to.
It makes it worse as well that I'm fat- men seem to take being rejected by a fat girl particularly badly. Like I'm just going to fall into their arms at first leer. Then they bring out the 'fat bitch' line, like I've never bloody heard that one.
(p.s I often wear band shirts and I don't mind if someone wants to know about the shirt or is GENUINELY interested in what I'm wearing. As a fairly eh, ad hoc dresser, that happens every so often)

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 6:29 PM

Andi (male) said:

Am I a rarity, then, in that I've never whistled, catcalled, harassed, or indulged in any of the sh*t being laid at my gender's door here? Bloody hell.

A couple of things, though. One, I think a distinction needs to be drawn between simple 'looking' and more concerted and concentrated 'staring'. After all, women's bodies (and, conversely, men's bodies) are designed by nature to be sexually compatible and desirable. Which of course in no way justifies behaviour which intimidates, demeans, or denigrates. But still, the sexual urge is one of the most powerful fundamental instincts in the human (both genders) animal, and sight is the primary initial expression of it.

Secondly, and anecdotally, a very good female friend of mine positively revels in the attention she gets in the streets, and has been known to stop, initiate conversation, and occasionally stay the night. Takes all sorts, I suppose.

Finally, thought you might like to know that I found this thread through a "best of the web" link on CiF, so at least the moderators are trying to balance things out.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 7:55 PM

fenris said:

last time i was harassed was all of three hours ago... car drove by as i was walking the dog, and the pricks within screeched something (could have been either "tits" or "bitch", unsure) extremely loudly, almost jumped out of my skin. i gathered composure quickly enough to give them the finger but... fucksakes! it's a little village and i was just trying to walk the dog!

the worst one for me was when i was walking through a pedestrianised part of a city centre, where some street performer was bellowing to a crowd through a microphone and speakers... i think he was a comedian or something. as i walked by he said to the crowd, "this is what i like about glasgow in the summer" and pointed with both hands at my boobs. yes it was warm, and yes i had no jacket on, and therefore yes i suppose i am to expect public humiliation involving a crowd and fucking....loudspeakers! i was in a state of disbelief for a couple of minutes as i walked on, not really comprehending what had happened properly, so unfortuntely i didn't confront him. though clearly if i'd had the chance, the fact that he had a laughing crowd at his disposal would have made that very difficult for me.

that day i was wearing a top that was low-cut-ish, but not showing off miles of cleavage, long sleeved, and it fit me snugly but not obscenely. still i questioned whether i had "asked for it". this is one thing i REALLY hate. recently i have tried to wear nicer clothes that flatter my body (though not showing much flesh, and i never wear a skirt above the knee), because i am rather down on my appearance and am trying to combat this by wearing clothes i actually like rather than dull things that i use to hide in. this isn't made easy when i am aggressively letched at and made to feel as if i need to wear potato sacks to ward off pervs. i am aware that they will sleaze at anyone no matter what the person is wearing, but still i have the guilt reflex. i also have fairly large boobs and a smallish waist and am conscious of the fact that the better my clothes fit, the more my boobs are accentuated, again making me feel that i am provoking such crap. as if my body itself is at fault. i feel a big conflict between wanting to do things that will help me like the way i look, and wanting to make sure that nobody will look at me and will not threaten me. there is this split in our culture that makes sure women can't win either way... we're pressured to invest heavily in our appearance and made to feel worthless if we dont measure up, and then made to feel guilty for being looked at.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 9:39 PM

fenris said:

andi - i don't have a problem with being looked at, in itself. i don't mind a polite smile or glance. we are talking about people who invade personal space, or threaten to, who treat us with massive disrespect, and become physically or verbally aggressive when we do not respond approvingly. the above forms the vast majority of my experience of male "appreciation" of my appearance. when a man is polite and respectful and knows when to back off it is an entirely different matter. eg, i was once told that i looked "lovely" and then left alone, no invasion of personal space and no aggression, this i did not mind.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 9:44 PM

Dave said:

*raises hand*

Of course I have, what man or woman hasn't? Walking past a group of girls on a friday/saturday night in town is the worst.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 10:28 PM

MariaS said:

Many many men telling me to smile.
One old man when I was a teenager putting his hand on my back & feeling my bra straps under my clothes, I was stood at a road crossing.
Once in a nightclub someone unidentifiable who kept touching my backside.

It's like we don't belong to ourselves. :(

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 10:33 PM

Depresso said:

Yet another raised hand...

More times than I can remember, though the highlight would be spending the entirity of Marilyn Manson's set at the Big Day Out trying to stop some 44 yr old guy from randomly groping me. The creepy thing was, during Placebo, he'd been holding his mobile aloft so his wife could hear 'their' song.

A couple of months ago, walking back from work (I'm a care worker, so dress for function, not style!) a group of younger guys who were hogging the pavement walked past in the other direction. As they passed, within my comfort zone, one growled 'Saucy' at me. It sounded too threatening to be brushed off as a 'joke' or a 'compliment'. A couple of weeks ago, in exactly the same place, a car full of similar guys (wouldn't be surprised if they were the same ones) honked at me and laughed when I looked up. I was texting, as I tend to do when I'm walking between clients. The got the fingers this time, but I don't even know if they saw it. Next time, who knows. But I know there will be a next time.

Oooh, just remembered; another time and another place in the small town I live in, a week or so ago. A car passes me, coming from behind. Just as he comes up behind me, honks his horn. No need. The teenage girl walking in the other direction, who looked at me with a "what's-he-honking-at-her-for?" look of disdain on her face (again with the work clothes, my elderly clients worry about me if I'm not adequetly dressed!)? Isn't it sad that there's women and girls who are going through life thinking that that kind of attention is a positive thing, to be garnered and cherished?

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 11:02 PM

Thene said:

*raises hand*

I was once upskirted by a man with a camera phone while I was waiting at a pelican crossing in outer London. That's the worst incident I've ever had to deal with.

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 11:38 PM

Jack said:

I have - the response over the last day says enough - suffice it to say the suburbs aren't east london an even that was a bit rough

Posted on 29 May 2008 at 11:48 PM

Rosie said:

Andi, please don't get defensive. I don't think anybody has said that 'all men harrass' or even 'most men harrass'. And, speaking for myself, though I'm sure others here are the same, I am certainly willing to accept that men ge