From Susannah

Re: Challenging the Sex Sells Cliche: I too have been concerned about the day-to-day unwanted exposure to pornography and objectification of women via the media (mainly TV and print).

From Emily

Re: Challenging the Sex Sells Cliche: Great article, im glad its not just me who is concerned about this issue that has become accepted as normal and part of our culture.

From Malgosia Brunsz-Steane

Re: Challenging the Sex Sells Cliche: How refreshing was to find that I am not isolated in my view that pornography ruins women's chances for true equality and respect from the world. That reinforces stereotypes of women being in constant service to the men. Sadly we women are also responsible for that situation. Those who sale their body, those who do not bring their sons up to respect women and those who don't demand higher standards of behaviour from own husbands and other man for a sake of not being laughed at or negatively labelled. Unfortunately those women who fight for man by constantly pleasing them as if their life depended on it are also not helping improving men's attitude towards our gender. Women who snatch other women's husbands and are disloyal to their own gender help to proliferate men's ideas. We need to act in unison, just as men do, to protect our rights and produce change. I cannot see this happening soon. Many thanks. Kind regards

From Jake Stoyle

Re: Challenging the Sex Sells Cliche: I am a 26 yr old man living with my partner, a feminist theologian!!! Just want to say that your article was excellent in its informed description of our society and has helped me to understand the issues far better. Just remeber that there are lots of men out there that agree with your points of view. infact id go further than that, that agree with your truth. excellent article.

From Jackie Ladbroke

Re: Challenging the Sex Sells Cliche: I have to say I agree with Rachel - Lad mag culture is unbelievably degrading to women and the fact that young kids and teenagers are absorbing this kind of shit is very disturbing. However, whilst the aims of groups such as SWAP are certainly well intended and admirable, I think they are misguided. Like the rise of the reality TV show, these kinds of magazines are merely another reflection of our 'lowest common denominator' culture and to attempt to ban them or censor them would be to deny the current climate that we live in. This is not to suggest that we should grudgingly accept the status quo but we should ackowledge the less savoury aspects of a pluralistic society and allow them to show themselves for the tedious rubbish that they are. Similarly, I think groups like the BNP should be allowed a platform from which to speak, so as to enable us to hear what they have to say, regardless of how offensive it may seem to us. Attempts to repress never work - these attitudes will not go away. Also, I don't think the imbalance of lads and girls magazines is quite as pronounced as is described in the article. The concept of the girls magazine as espousing the virtues of a loving, kind partner over and above how 'fit' he is, or how well-endowed, is not strictly true.. I was 'treated' only the other day to a 'torso of the week' in More, Heat or some other trashy mag and it would not be true to suggest that men are free of the constraints of these 'ideals' that society thrusts upon us. In much the same way that women are forced to conform to pathetic, supposedly objective beauty ideals, men can no longer escape. Beer bellies are viewed with revulsion and you can't open a sunday supplement these days without being confronted with a 'cure' for male pattern baldness (obviously considered a disease in much the same way as cellulite seems to be). Much as I wish this anti-censorship stance was universally adopted, I must of course acknowledge that it isn't. The fact is that women's bodies are so routinely shown in full nudity while the depiction of the penis (or heaven forbid, the erect penis!) is still a rarity. But I really feel that the way forward is to campaign for an end to all censorship, rather than to attempt to impose more restrictions on what we can and can't see.

From S M Berg

Re: Challenging the Sex Sells Cliche: Thank you, Rachel Bell. Last night a woman told me her story of being gang raped at a college campus by almost a dozen men (there were 8 DNA types found on/in her) and how only one of them was convicted. It's been haunting me since hearing it as I try to comprehend how they couldn't convict at least the 8 men whose DNA they found if not every one of the men she identified.

But it's pornography. The gang bang is a staple porn scene and I refuse to believe the actions of these rapists wasn't conditioned in a large way by the normalization of pornography sold as hip and manly.

I fear for women these days like I have never feared for them before, and I fear for them because pornography is the everyday hate speech of men using prostitutes' bodies to remind each other and women that women's place is literally beneath men. If no prostitute is around for the easy using men make their own whore out of any nearby girl or woman. This is what rape culture looks like.

From Helen Browne

Re: Challenging the Sex Sells Cliche: I am a member of the group "object" and hope that many more of your readers become more active in ridding our society of newspaper porn, lads mags, pole dancing, lap dancing clubs, etc... I have two teenage daughters and I feel helpless to protect them from a society that accepts promoting women as sex objects, who are more concerned about having large breasts than a good education, who were exposed to porn at age eleven in school, and had to learn to accept it, or be ridiculed as uptight or having a problem with sex. I am seeing first hand the effects normalizing porn is having on my own daughters, and it makes my blood boil. Those children wih unaware parents are already lost. Please complain to retailers, MP's, anyone who may be able to make a difference.

From zak jane keir

Re: Challenging the Sex Sells Cliche: It's a shame to see the same tired old cliches about pornography trotted out again - especially at a time when the Government is trying to bring in measures to restrict freedom of expression even further. The trouble with people who campaing against "pornogaphy" is they are campaigning against their own personal demons and ignoring what's actually out there. It's simply nonsense to claim that pornography, unlike any other kind of media, has one universal message that is bound to be interpreted identically by every single viewer. Pornography - sexually-explicit media for recreation rather than education - encompasses a wide variety of narratives, many playful, consensual, affectionate as well as impersonal. Campaign by all means for better working conditions for anyone trafficked and exploited, but don't forget that includes the clothing and catering industries as well as the sex industry.

From Emily Baeza

I thought "pretending that men aren't grown ups" was right on point and a brillant thoughtful analysis. Like contraception, in rape the responsibility is heaped onto women, and any unfortunate attendant consequences are solely their fault.

I volunteer at a playgroup with autistic children, and the first rule we ever learned was DO NOT BE ALONE with a child! Don?t even take the risk, that allegations might occur. If there is doubt over whether a woman is consenting, it seems the smart choice for a man to simply walk away, rather than to go there. The responsibility is clearly a joint one, for both men and women. What is especially unsettling in the Swansea case is that the alleged rapist was entrusted with looking after the victim and therefore this was a double abuse of power. Picking up the thread of an earlier article, that rape should be re-classified as a violent crime, this would prevent some of the use of "consent" as a defence, as it cannot be used in violent crime. It is a bizarre reasoning that states in rape that the victim is partly responsible through the uncertainty of her consent. Classifying rape as violent crime would remove the insidious "consent defence" of rapists as it would be irrelevant if the victim could not recall giving consent, as like assault and battery it would not matter. Rape makes a mockery of our justice system and writers like the one in the times, only add to this problem. It is very poor state of affairs, where women?s maturity and sense of responsibility is to be used against them.

From Rachel Bell

Re: Pretending that men aren't grown-ups: Well done Ellery for writing this piece - it needed saying. The culture of blame towards women for acts of MALE violence is a dangerous one indeed. Thank you for taking the time to write to The Times with your response too. All the best.

From Ilse

Re: Pretending that men aren't grown-ups: I agree with you that treating a rape victim as the moral equivalent of a drunken wife-beater is absurd, but it's just a particularly obvious example of the way that women are blamed for male violence against them. Come to think of it, if a rape victim is as culpable as the perpetrator of domestic violence, why on earth is the legal system being so lenient towards her... maybe she even belongs in prison!

From Michelle Wright

Re. Make Me Perfect review. Really enjoyed reading this. Although I haven't watched the programme, I have heard about it. It disturbs me that programmes centred around women having to drastically alter themselves in order to conform to some narrow definition of mainstream beauty are treated so lightly and enter our daytime TV schedules. I completely agree that women should learn to raise their self-esteem from their person, not their appearance. But then a concept like that doesn't seem to translate to television well and it certainly wouldn't appeal to advertisers. Respecting yourself for who you are isn't something that has a monetary value attached to it. However, banishing your wrinkles and losing weight can be 'solved' by consumerism, hence television's obsession with the physical makeover.

From Stelbee

I enjoyed the article in relation to Make Me Perfect and have the following comments to make...It would be interesting to review in months/years how each 'subject' of this programme are. I have experienced male attention to the extent of stalking since becoming slim/trendy, with long blonde hair. I can categorically say this does NOT make you happy when all men ask for is a photo and speak of your looks. (Then you are told you focus on your looks too much). I am able to state this pressure makes self esteem shaky and ageing a pressure. Yet, we are our own worst enemy when it comes to viewing figures...slimming, sexy clothes and aspirations... Will we ever be taken seriously if we hold ourselves back?

From Ann Merry

I totally agree for the concern of the messages promoted by the programme Make Me Perfect. This programmes rather insultingly only focuses on appearance-related lack of confidence, which belittles womens' role. This programme left me thinking that women had not got all that far in fact in proving their equality with men. Looks are not essential for women, and this thinking should be discouraged.

From Paula

I loved the article. I'm really sick of the whole "He's just not that into you" thing. Once again, everybody's lumped together as if we were all using the same brain. We're not Borgs. We're human beings, individuals, with our own ways of doing things. Not all men are the same, and neither are all women. Enough already!

From Liz Hoskings

Left Behind: A good an honest analysis of the far left - although I have not been involved in it for as long as Louise her article somewhat reflects my experience of the men involved.

From Slavna Zemtsova

Thank you for a wonderful article, Sick of Celebrity. It is so powerful with the sarcasm that made me feel so good and strong. The nature has forced the need to be pretty on a human female. But who said that we human females are taking it just as it is??? After all, we are humans! Brains, soul, not just physics!

From Mark Headley

Re: Deconstructing Masculinity: In her article, Sheryl Plant mentioned the fact that most violent crime was carried out by men. This brought to mind the oft quoted statistic that the vast majority of crimes are perpetrated by men. Or, to use the available facts: the male prison population is 10 times that of the female. I'm told this proportion is mirrored in most countries studied.

However, what fascinates me is that the number of women in American gaols, as a proportion of the whole population, is about the same as MALE prisoners in Japan. The question that occurred to me (though not, apparently, to the person presenting the statistic) was what is it in America which allows/encourages women to be as criminally minded as Japanese men? Or, to reverse the question: what is it in Japan that prevents men being as criminally minded as American women? If one assumes that, genetically and hormonally, there is little difference between the Americans and Japanese, one has to wonder about social convention being significant.

Although I am no expert, my wife is Japanese and I've been there quite a few times. I was once told that it was a common sight to see men incapably drunk in the streets, yet there is very little drunken violence. Is this due to their age (generally over 30) or their sub-concious mind still exerting some control over their actions?

Owing to the general overcrowding in Japanese cities, I can well understand why social control seems to be much stronger than here in the UK. Perhaps this is so inculcated into the Japanese mind that people are generally less likely to break society's rules than in America? I don't know. But I do think it's worthy of investigation.

From A Bryans

Re: Every Girl Wants a Stalker: One Problem is that some women don't tell you if they are not interested. I'm far happier if a woman was upfront with me and just flat out said they weren't interested. I would respect that. It means that your not wasting your time.

From Kelly

Re: Diet Grrrl, An Example: I can't believe the cheek of the reply, sending a stock, 'thanks for your comments' reply to such a scathing letter. Shame on Marie Claire. I used to buy it myself, thinking it was a more intelligent read but have stopped for the same reasons described. Who wants to start a real women's magazine with me? :)

From Naomi

Re: Growing Up Or Giving In? Fantastic article....thank god somebody knows about the things I am thinking! Thank you!

From Rosalyn Gilfillan

Re: Feminism--a short introduction by Margaret Walters.....by ealasaid gilfillan. I enjoyed this article immensely and it has achieved what all good book reviews should..my interest in obtaining the book for myself and studying it in more detail..I look forward to other book reviews by the same writer..

From Mark Risden

Hi Catherine, Just read your article [Not For Girls: Nestle & Yorkie Adverts] while eating one of said 'not for girls' bars and thinking of something comical to view for my afternoon. I am interested in your views and even I can see the short-sighted marketing behind this particular advertising campaign. However, as with many adverts out today, there is a certain element of tongue in cheek.

The primary objective of adverts these days is to shock, one way or the other. Be this by having you rolling in hysterics around the floor, or ensuring you look both ways when crossing the road to avoid the oncoming truck. I said that this advertising campaign was short-sighted, but then perhaps it is not... Is it not a possibility that 100 women who saw the ad were a little peeved at the whole nestle male bravado thing (as women do usually get when men try to act macho) and purposely went out to buy a yorkie just to prove Nestle wrong? Of course there would have been a large market that just thought it was ridiculous and now boycote all Nestle items.

It was and is a risky campaign but most advertising campaigns are not usually out of the desperation that something is not selling well. Either way, I have thoroughly enjoyed reading your views and discussing them with you. I will now return to my Yorkie and think about all the people who might not be enjoying them as I am now, oh well, more for me! :) Kind regards,

From Sara A

This is the most wonderfully refreshing website, each and every article written reminds me why the need for the new feminist wave is so urgent. And that it should not simply be a wave, but a storm that never resides or submits to any misogynist backlash. Currently, society and its constructions delude us into believing that men and women are treated and respected as equals, thankyou for exposing this sly, profound trick. Women need to unite and support each other in order to live without oppression.

From A Male Reader

Hi, I'm a Male Reader, Just thought I'd add in my 2-sence; I enjoy reading all of these articles about feminism, and I agree with much of it, how sometimes men can treat women unfairly, and judgementally, BUT women aren't 100 erfect, they also do many things that should not be tolerated, always assuming men are just after a peice of ass, or assuming men are emotionless creatures who only want sex, I'm not saying SOMETIMES that isn't the case. But sometimes these disagreements between gendre is brought on by the women themselves and their own stereo-types of men, now your probrably going to get angry for that last comment, but it IS true, women have JUST as many stereo-types of men as men have of women, simple, end of story. I know in your one article you said it's wrong for men to want you to help with their rights just becuase your helping females too, BUT I myself believe there should be no *Women's Rights Groups* OR *Men's Rights groups* There should just be *People's Rights Groups* and all voices, men's and women's be heard on equal ground. Well that was my 2-sence on these articles...

From Ricky Katz

Hello, I read your article on Sin City and the portryal of sexism it involved. I found it very interesting as my A2 Media text is Sin City. I enjoyed reading your article and thought it was very interesting and I put some of what you said in my own words into my piece. I would like to add one thing though as I do agree with most of what you said but I belive that one positive point of the way their represented in this film is "for once the female characters arnt always a damsel in distress" as some have more power then the male characters. Its just my oppnion I guess but I did like your article.

From Nicole Howard

Hello, I would first like to say that i agree to what you have mostly said about Sin City representing women, however, i disagree with the comment about the opening scene. what actually has happened, which we are not told is that she has hired the salesman to kill her because her ex-boyfriend is coming after her to kill her the worest way possible and so he knows that she is scared and needs saving from something. so ok yes they still shouldnt have portrayed it the way they did, but its not because she's a woman and so she's obviously going to melt into his arms its because she is scared of being tortured to death and needs someone to protect her or rather in this case 'save' her by killing her, so that she died more peacefully knowing someone 'loved' her than being brutally tortured to death. Also even though the film is being very sexist ect towards women, some women still like it because its fictional and has been written from a comic book which was made in the 90's.

From Kori Basquez

After watching Sin City, and yes i watched it in it's entirety, I could not help but be absolutely infuriated with the portrayal of women. It's this sort of objectification of the female sex that I feel fuels the fire of aggression towards women. One of the more annoying aspects was the referral of the women by all of the characters present as "girls." Even the women who attempted to appear powerful were practically naked; their bodies serving as an evil enticement. I was waiting for the women to pull out their S&M accessories, tease the men into sexual activity, and then be taken over by the powerful male sex drive. As for Miho, the one woman the men couldn't exploit, was presented as a freakish, voiceless alien. As far as the best movie of the year goes... yeah maybe to all of the rapists and other abusers of the female sex, but then again there are a lot of them out there, which fuels my desire to keep up with my education, to be an MD and not a "woman doctor," to teach my son to respect and value the opposite sex, and to continue to live my life as an opinionated, intelligent woman that feels it's time to start promoting the value of the egalitarian lifestyle; and I'm not going to stop fighting this oppression until every man I meet looks me straight in the eye and shakes my hand rather than immediately checking out my breasts.

From Francine Hoenderkamp

I'm utterly astounded to hear that 'glamour model' Jodie Marsh is an Ambassador for the Domestic Violence organisation Refuge. Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't this a bit like Saddam Hussein being an Ambassador for Human Rights?

From David Wright

Feminists Are Sexist: what a genuinely wonderfull article well said. no more sex war i say , the only way we can succeed is by working together side by side, men who naively attack femminsim only add to the problem as do women who naively attack men. im a young youth work student and during my sociology modual it became apparent to me how important and crucial femminism is to men and women. this is why i preach it so in my men's group. im currently writing an essay on the social exlcusion of young fathers, the socialisation of men, gender construction and surpession of emotion. thankyou for being a woman and making me smile. hope my comment sounds alright.Cheers Davey. Ps. i appreciate the sarcasim.

From Nagmani

why men suck and the women who have to, was great. i liked it very much.

From Andrew Keene

After reading Megans very articulate article [Contraception and Control] , I am left with 2 deep impressions.

1. Teenagers expect to get everything they want without the groundwork of having to work for the skills and general knowledge required to deal with the consequences of sexual relationships. From my perspective,having a 14 year old daughter myself, I have observed that sex is used in her circle of friends as very clumsy tool for recreation, validation of affection (from a female perspective) and a way of obtaining something. With this attitude towards clumsy sex, how the hell will the facilitation of accessible contraception,"the get out of jail card" that Megan claims for the majority of her peers is not the reason why it should be accessible,be justified. I admit that effective contaception is far the better option to unwanted childbirth or abortions but Megans views worry me so much, that I worry for the future morals of our next generation and society in general.

2. The moral fabric in our society is eroding and that all liberals will say that rules and constraints for the benefit for minors that we as adults have learnt by experience (bitter or otherwise) are redundant and that the individual should decide. This is anarchy in the making and we will reap the bitter harvest in a generations time.

From Jane

Subvert the Dominant Pimpiarchy - Thank you for such a blatently raw and true article.You hit the nail right on the head. Refreshing to read everything you wrote i agree with and glad i am not alone.

From Snaitf Kenobi

On the Signs of Ageing article, I thought of another role model. Cadsuane Meladhrin from Wheel of Time. She's 300 something and my favorite character from the series. :) Other than that, great article.

From Donalda G

Re: The Signs of Ageing: I don't mind getting old, but I don't like looking old as in haggard and run-down. I acknowledge the increased confidence I've gained over the years. I know how to dress to impress now, I'm not as bashful, I'm wiser. But I have to admit, I miss the attention I used to get from men. I can feel great all I want, but when you're 42 and want a relationship but the fish aren't biting because your face looks "tired" or you're forty pounds overweight, then what? Are you just supposed to let yourself go? We've all seen those older women on the makeover shows wearing unflattering clothes and wearing their hair silver even if it doesn't flatter their face because they've "accepted" their age. Forget that. My feeling is if you're ageing in a way that makes you look weird, you should do something about that. As you get older you just must accept that you have to do more. You have to keep your body up, you have to wear clothes that flatter your body type, whatever. True, all of these things will not make you young again. But taking care of your appearance isn't necessarily a denial of the passing years either. A good example is Greta von Sestern on MSNBC here in America. She had an eye job. Prior to that eye-job she was looking like a Beagle about the face, her lids were drooping so much. She doesn't look 19, but that wasn't her intention. Was she wrong to get that surgery? Is she in ageing denial because she had that surgery?

From Mitch Winehouse

Re: Amy Winehouse: I know you wrote this article a clong time ago but i just read it. I want you to know that Amy and i are are not estranged. her mother and i are divorced but we both look after Amy's business interests. Otherwise i really enjoyed youe article.

From BigLoveBoy

What's up Biatch? The gig is over, feminism turning in on itself. If something cant go on forever, it wont. later Dykes.

From Harry

Feminists Are Sexist: Are you fucking crazy or do you just not have a life... Why don't you join the real world and realise that adverts only wxploit women because it is the men that make the decisions to buy things and the overall objective of an advert is to SELL a product,, they don't give a shit for muppets like you..... ha ha

From Mark Headey

I was very heartened by Beth Anderson's article "There is no Groom". Having attended or heard of a number of weddings where NOT ONE women kept her own name, I was begining to wonder whether there were any women out there who thought the changing of their name to his was anything but "romantic". One colleague defended her choice by saying "I wouldn't feel right." but negleced to define what (or who) defined "right".

I actually know of only one friend who has kept her own name on marriage. Another kept her name until the first child arrived. What rather puzzled me was that neither she nor her husband liked his surname, but they still use his name rather than hers. True, he has a PhD and papers published in his name, but why he couldn't have continued to use his name in accademic circles but use hers for the rest of his life, I just don't know. After all, many women do. Or so I'm told; I've never actually met one.

I have a counter to Ms Anderson's claim that NO men ever take their wife's name; 2 examples. Mind you, both were Poles who came here after WW2 and thought better of inflicting the troublesome spelling of their surnames on their families.

I'm rather intrigued by the statement that only women can use their marriage certificate to change their surname, as I've go a bank account in our double-barrelled surname, without the necessity of a Deed Poll. However, I've not yet tried getting my passport changed. If what Ms Anserson says is true, that may be the acid test.

I'm in two minds about the idea of adding your spouse's name to yours, despite doing this myself. I've seen books authored by Jane Brown-Smith ann John Smith, which I actually find even more distasteful than "Jane & John Smith". To me, it smacks of the woman stating that, although she's an independant woman, she' definitely not a sad spinster who couldn't "get" a man. "Look at me, I'm an individual AND I'm married." Either both shoud take the doube name, or neither. Just one looks sad.

And the comment, "Taking his name shows that I'm committed to the marriage." is another statement that makes me want to heave. In all such cases, I have a very simple test. Swap every HIS for HER, every MAN for WOMAN and restate the case. If it sounds silly, then the original proposition probably was silly in the first place. Thus, "Taking HER name shows I'm committed to the marriage." OK?

The marriage books that practically exclude the groom are another interesting facet of the whole "wedding industry". For a long time I've had my suspicions about weddings; especially the specious idea that they are "the most important/happiest day of a woman's life." Never a man's, of course. Perhaps men knew all along that marriage was going to be a great disappointment to many women. All the cooking, cleaning, having babies (once a very risky business, and still is in much of the world), and all with little help from the husband. "Let's fool the women into believing that the wedding will be a fabulously romantic day. That way the feeble minded creatures won't be able to see past that smoke screen and realise they've been tricked into a life of drudgery and misery." Perhaps, I'm just too cynical. The trouble is, so many women have bought into the story. Just the other week Amanda Patell had a TV programme in which she questioned this very subject. "All too often young women spend masses of time and thought designing their wedding and barely giving the subsequent marriage a second thought." Then added, with commendible honesty, "I know I did." What depressed me was later, in the same programme, she attended a wedding and used the phrase "the most important day in a woman's life" without a hint of irony. More important than getting your degree? Having your child? Walking to the North Pole? Climbing Everest? No, getting married. I despair.

About 20 years ago I attended a friend's wedding. I have a memory of them entering the church together and walking down the side aisles, meeting in front of the altar as equals. None of this "Who gives this women?" nonsense (yeuch!). Sadly, I have a sneaking suspicion I imagined it.

From James BWIP

More Than Just Jam and Jerusalem: Excellent analysis! Have put a link to this weblog today - http://blairwitch.typepad.com. All blessings.