From James Parker

Re: Peaches - Impeach My Bush: I was just reading your review on Peaches and thought I'd pass on the name of another superb Canadian artist, also with a consistent feminist slant, just in case you weren't already a fan!

Anyway, the artist's Emily Haines. She's the lead singer out of Metric, whose second album "Live it Out" is one of my personal faves. Gotta love "Poster of a Girl" and "Patriarch on a Vespa"!!! But she now has a solo project too called "Emily Haines and the Soft Skeleton" whose only album so far "Knives Don't Have Your Back", although a little less accessible than Metric's post-punk / new rave thing, is ultimately a far more rewarding listen. Amazing!

From Emily Baeza Chavez

Re: One Hundred Strokes of the Brush Before Bed: I really enjoyed Irina Lester's review of "One hundred strokes of the brush before bed". It was well written and well researched and treads a careful line between condoning and condemning Melissa's behaviour. It makes me realise what a perilous course the sexual transition from child to adult is for a woman and how badly sex education and society have let down young women in this country and the rest of the world. It is something I can relate to, and this review really highlighted the pressing need for a discussion of sex, "the flesh and blood" and the emotional consequences with young men and women, fast.

I really commend Irina for writing this and I look forward to more of the same. Many thanks.

From Jennifer Drew

Irina Lester has written a very insightful review of One Hundred Strokes of The Brush Before Bed. Lester is correct, the hypocritical criticism levied at this author clearly demonstrates how female sexuality is still perceived. Namely for the sexual gratification of men and boys. It also proves how girls and women continue to be taught female sexuality is bad if it is expressed for the woman alone. Male pleasure is paramount. Interestingly Lester also highlights how pornography insidiously is intertwined into male beliefs concerning their 'sexual rights'. Lastly, the critics, as Lester wrote, refused to see or accept many of this author's experiences were ones of male sexual exploitation and sadistic male violence. But then women are still sexually constrained and subject to male sexual control.

From Alice H.

Re: Skinny porn: Thank you for articulating so clearly what has been buzzing round my head for months. It is unbelievably refreshing to read such an honest and sensible piece about this insane issue.

From Sara Helen

I totally agree about the "size-zero debate" - it's not helping any woman feel better about her body, it's just letting magazines print even more pictures of skinny, half-naked celebrities. I want to draw attention to your mention of the Jezebel bloggers, though. I admire their style and confidence, but reading the comments made me wonder whether it was the website of Heat magazine. All the comments were along the lines of "cute booty" or "you've got nothing to worry about" - a clear indication that these women were being objectified and judged just like the celebrities. How does that make them any better than the magazines?

From Alan

Re: Can burlesque be feminist?:"strip clubs cater to lonely business men and stag dos".

If you actually went in one I'm sure you'd see a cross section of men in them, not just the types you mentioned. I thought feminism was about breaking down stereotypes, so why bring in this lazy and tired one?

I'm not asking anyone to agree or disagree with strip clubs, but I can't see how repeating stereotypes advances any arguments.

From anonymous

I'm beyond sick of seeing middle class white women who don't have a fucking clue about what they're saying romanticize prostitution. I used to love this website but lately you've been pushing this happiness in slavery idiocy hard and I'd really like it if you'd just stop cashing in on whore chic bling bling every month for the rest of 2007.

From Irina

I absolutely agree with the author of the article What does the politics of hair say about modern Britain?: we should not tolerate things that, for progressive mentality, constitute an abuse of human rights just because some other cultures claim it is their tradition. Honour killings, genital mutilation, senging gays for "reformation and healing" are criminal offences and have nothing to do with culture, in fact they are an anti-culture. (With niqabs it is not so straightforward: the practice of covering a woman in order not to inflame a man is doubtlessly sexist and barbaric but many muslim women in UK embrace the culture of their families in order to protest against British pro-war agenda. They may do it out of defence, it is a common trick to stick to your roots when you feel unsafe. you need to have the war in mind when looking at the islamisation of families which, otherwise, in a peaceful time, would be secular and just like any other british family)

Like Veronica's experience of sexism in her own culture, I had the same rejection of traditionality of Russian culture and the position of women in it, submissive and selfless, ever-tolerant and unassertive, which was praised by its advocates (always men, of course). I mean, normal Russian culture exists with all the balley and classical music, with Dostoevsky etc., but for nationalists "the Russian culture" means the worst in our history: religious control, strong family values at the expense of individual happiness, subjugation of women in the family. I hate that stuff and I am happy to live here where such attitudes are less wide spread.

I also agree with Veronica that some dodgy attitude to non-English women exists. It;s a mixture of sexism and seeing a foreigner as "the other" who is here either to be exoticized or looked down on because of her accent, for example. (I have a suspicion, from the way my other eastern-european female acquaintances were treated sometimes in shops etc., that a strong accent is an invitaiton for prats to treat you with disdain)

From Sam

Re: Maid of the manor: Please keep in mind that not all men are the misogynists that some women believe them to be. This of course coming from a male and avid reader of the F Word. Thank you for the wonderful articles and keep up the good work!

From Irina

Great article and the links to the research mentioned are very handy, they prove the point and make the article stronger.

However, I think, the author slightly mixed two very separate points: one, that women opt out of the office in favour of becoming housewives, and second, that men are rubbish at housework. From reading the article, if I am not mistaken, it looks like first follows out of second.

But in reality women don't quit work because hubby yet again forgot to empty the bin, they do it when and because they have kids, as we live in a country with obscenely expensive childcare. So, instead of giving out her salary to a student who puts the telly on and dishes out ready made stuff to kids, a women might just stay at home and look after them herself.

Useless men is the other topic altogether. My heart goes out for the author as her man didn't suss it up what consitutes a welcome greeting to a tired wife. I'd just sit down, pour myself a glass of wine and bark orders seeing him run around like a blue-arsed fly.

Only first step is a difficult one, once he's done it all from beginning till the end (nice supper and massage, if needed), he will know what to do in future. I think she made a mistake doing it herself. It teaches a man that not doing this is no big deal. To paraphrase the well-known saying: to pity a man is to ruin him (by denying him becoming a modern civilized gent).

From Mark Kuramoto-Headey

Wow, Amity Reed is clearly angry about the division of labour in her home, and justifiably so, if her description is to be believed. And it sounds so familiar. I sometimes feel equally irritated about my partner's lack of appreciation of the need to clean the kitchen floor, or where dust may accumulate. But, I've spotted a flaw; I'm a bloke. What's going on?

I lived alone for 25 years and cooked, cleaned, washed etc in my own house (Not rented, I think that could be an important factor) and was pretty good at it. Indeed, some female friends said they felt intimidated when visiting my house, as it was much cleaner than theirs. True, I did take some perverse pride at being good at things that were considered 'female', but there was also the realisation that, if I didn't clean the toilet, no one else would and the sight of dirt would reflect directly on me. And there's the rub. I realised that, were I to marry, even the day after the ceremony, anyone visiting the house would immediately praise my wife for the state of the house, who ever actually did the work. Indeed, when visiting our house shortly after our return from honeymoon my sister (who ought to have known better) did compliment my wife on the kitchen.

My wife married me when she was 48, but had lived with her parents until that time. At present, she stays at home doing the domestic chores (Not my choice, but that's another story.) but I am very concious of dust accumulating behind the loo or on skirting boards. She never sees it. Sex differences? Hardly. I had 25 years of experience looking after my house. She's had none. Yes, she would do domestic chores, but generally if her mother asked her to. She had no experience in TAKING RESPONSIBILITY for them and it's been hard for her to learn when I was hovering around casting a critical eye on things. I try not to be over-critical, but it's hard as I honestly don't think she's being deliberately lax. I would genuinely be happy to even be a full-time house-husband (especially when there were lots of DIY tasks to do as well) but her earning potential is nowhere near enough for even the basics, let alone compete with mine. So, the status quo continues.

Obviously, our situation is unusual. The age we married and the fact that my wife is Japanese has conspired to put us into this slightly odd situation. So, what about others?

My first thought is; how did you act during your first few months of marriage? In our family there is an expression, "Don't forget the steamed apple dumpling." refering to the time my sister was impressing her new husband with her culinary skills, though they were both working full-time. I think the roles newly weds fall into it is not always the fault of the man.

nother family story; when they were in their 50s, my parents were invited to a friend's for a meal. After eating, my father carried the dishes into the kitchen where the women were washing up. "Aren't you lucky to have a husband who helps you." To which my mother replied, "Luck didn't have anything to do with it. I wouldn't have put up with anything less." One of the women then turned to her friend and asked, "Do you think it's too late to change our husbands' behaviour?"

Probably.

I am now stepping out onto thin ice. I think there are some women who actually take some perverse pride in their 'incapable' husbands. When listening to overheard conversations, or comments on Woman's Hour, I sometimes hear an almost proud tone in the voice of women describing their husband's shortcomings in the domestic area. Why? I will hazard a guess that it's a combination of factors. One might be that, unless the woman earns more than her partner, there's something she is obviously better at than he is. Another might be the ability to have a common topic of conversation with other women as they compare stories about the ineptitude of their respective menfolk.

I could go on, but I think I'll call it a day at this point.

From Dennis the Menace

In Maid of the Manor, Amity Reed seems extremely unfair. Men usually buy the home, they are out working all day while the 'housewives' are sitting at home with their feet up watching the crappy afternoon t.v. Now, I live alone so have to do my own housework. I hoover up once a week, i do just one washing (whites, blacks and colours all in the same wash). I'll re-use dirty cups and cutlery sometimes without washing them, and wthout getting food poisoning either. If a woman moved in and decided she wanted a cleaner house why should I suddenly have to start scrubbing away at things? Does Amity really believe that a man's dumb enough to think she needs to be doing housework all day. Even if she does it's her choice- why should he play along? In my experience, a womans work is never done because it's not really there in the first place. Clean and scrub all you like ladies but don't expect the man to join in. If you don't like it, you can get a job and pay the mortgage and let the man sit at home all day doing the 'housework'.

From Lisa

Re: Here we go again: women really do just want a sugar daddy: I like to think that the people coming to these sorts of conclusions are usually men consoling each other with 'don't worry that you're fat and ugly, women are only attracted to money anyway!'

Now I don't know which women they asked, but I for one go for looks first, personality second, and money doesn't actually come into it.

I'll be spending my own money anyway, thanks.

I'm getting pretty sick of these assumptions that 'men are turned on visually, women are turned on emotionally' and 'women value money over looks' crap. It's like no one can admit that women are attracted by appearances as much as men are, which of course gives men a lot of leeway to go out clubbing in something they slept in while we're expected to spend hours putting on make-up and uncomfortable clothes.

Someone out there needs to realise, we like our men to be good looking. So it's time they started taking care of their appearance and stopped thinking money can win us over.

From BrevisMus

Re: Cartoon on internet women: With respect to Louise Livesey's recent post today on Cartoon on Internet Women - I think that cartoon is actually very anti-feminist. Why on earth can't Joanna knock down the door herself? Joanna has no voice in the cartoon: a man speaks on her behalf, a man confronts another man on her behalf, and a man orders her to fire.

The surface message is fine (treat women as human on the internet), but the way in which it has been drawn completely undermines that.

From Helen

Re: How's the petition on women's right to drive going, then?: I know that the freedom of women to drive in Saudia Arabia is a very serious and important issue, but whilst reading "How's the petition on women's right to drive going then", I'm afraid a scene from "Life of Brian" sprang unbidden into my head. There is definitely a marketing opportunity in Saudia Arabia for fake beards.

(Grovelling apologies to all Saudi Arabian feminists)

From MuzakBox

Re: Hairy anniversary: Isn't it nice? All the time and money saved. And the self-acceptance of the rest of you seems easier too. Well, for me it did. I stopped shaving my arm pits 6 years ago. I perform in theater and I do shave for shows when it's character appropriate and it will show. But if it's not I can go years without shaving. I still shave my legs occasionally because I like the way they feel when they are all smooth and lotioned up. But I don't if I don't feel like it. I can't remember the last time I did a pubic anything. I got a wax once like 3 years ago. OUCH! and it wasn't comfortable after. Sometimes I'll shave if I'm going to the beach. Mostly not. I thought when I stopped my husband would either say can't you shave sometimes (he shaves his package) or just not notice one way or the other. I was surprised to find out that he thinks it HOTT! So that just made me love him more.

From Hannah C.

Congratulations on your Hairy Anniversary and your beautiful hairy armpits! I have always been a hairy person, and have had a hairy chest since I was 16. I mean thick, black coarse hairs on my cleavage and nipples. I shaved them (nasty stubble), plucked them (ingrown hairs), waxed them (infection) until I realised I was damaging my body for the sake of what other people thought, what, in fact, a man had said to me when I was 17: "I'm jealous of you - you have a hairier chest than me." Now I think, who cares? I realised the worst thing about a hairy chest was the health implication of polycystic ovaries. I got tested and came out okay. So if anyone wishes to comment on my wonderful healthy hairs I say bring it on!

From Helen

Re: Scarlet's ';campaign to make feminism fashionable': "Scarlet's campaign to make feminism fashionable" was interesting. It sounds like Scarlet is just another mouthpiece for the sex industry. That industry seems to either vilify feminism because they know it can do damage to their industry, or misappropriate it by making out the women working in the sex and porn industries are the new modern, empowered "feminists". Its just more of the propaganda that passes for free speech these days.

Re: ';Honey! Your vagina needs a mint': I am always amazed to hear the argument that supposedly mens "ideal is a hairless, porn-star pussy that's barely more than a minuscule orifice. The last time my vagina looked like this was when I was 10 years old".

Where does that nonsense come from? OK women do not consume porn, but if you want to make a statement like that maybe you want to have a look at some porn in order to figure out that there are all shapes and sizes represented. The reason for that being that tastes are different. I am afraid that women often think that certain ideals come from men while they really are mostly nurtured by the fashion industry (gay men) and women themselves. I do not believe that people who would enter this site would start to dislike certain types of vaginas because they are told they are ugly. If I like blond women I would not start to dislike them because some webpage tells me they are ugly- would you? Besides all this- sure this page is nonsense, but not worth the feminist-anger.

From Erin

Thank you! What a brilliant article, and a much needed commentary. As a 16-year-old girl just starting to worry about how I 'measured up,' I had the good fortune to encounter a woman of your caliber before encountering pornography. I worked for her at a Teen Sexual Health clinic as a peer counselor, and while there she encouraged us to read her books. One I found had the most beautiful pictures of female genitalia; photos next to drawings. All were portrayed lovingly, regardless of how 'beautiful' an organization like the vagina institute would consider them. It was a moving experience. 8 years down the road and I'm always more grateful how experiences like that have shaped my self-concept and my choice of partners in life. I wish more teenagers, both male and female, had like experiences.

Thanks again!

From Sarah

While the writer of this article has made useful and valid points, I'm afraid she has spent her time reviewing a porn site, or in of I Blame the Patriarchy, a "subscription hetero softcore fetish site" that was never intended for women in the first place.

Re: The farmer wants a wife, the wife wants a wife: I agree about the article about women don't want to end up just like their mothers and raise the kids, clean the house, cook meals ect. but I disagree about men not able to do these things. I am a stay-at-home Dad, I raise our 18 month old daughter, cook, clean up after, wash cloths, and work part time as well. Just because some men can't (won't) do what I do please let women know that all men are not like the fathers of years past. Thanks for reading.

From Tori

Re: Fairy tales are Grimm: I think you're article is very relevant to these times and i find it unbelievable how much sexism is around especially in children's advertising (pink for barbie - a girl's toy, blue for thomas the tank engie - a boy's toy). This is not always obvious though and so sexism seems to be taking over society again although in more of a stealth form. I am interested in how this stereotyping affects young children and so am making it the main focus for my personal investigation in English.

From Irina

Re: August Comments and Abby Lee - girl with (not just) a one-track mind: I would like to dwell a bit on a letter from Laura (Comments, August 2007). What if a woman doesn't WANT to get active in bed, says Laura in regard to Abby Lee urging women at least to try it.

It is easy to feel jealous about the amount of pleasure Abby has in her sex life and to an discard active outlook on your sexuality out of defence. Also Abby doesn't represent the majority of women being not only so free in her attitudes but also multi-orgasmic (and in penetrative sex!). Besides, there IS a pressure to enjoy sex for a woman, otherwise you are seen as uncool and frigid. (The quality of sex women are having is another matter, maybe there is nothing to enjoy, but a man alone cannot change it.)

When I read her book, i thought: gosh, here goes the mighty libido of someone who's not on the pill! (I tend to muck about with the pill and end up feeling that it suppresses my sex drive in the end.)>/p>

But we shouldn't throw Abby's advice out of the window just because we are not so highly sexed as she is. What we should do is to feel entitled to pleasure and have sex that is worthwhile. But that means thinking about it and lookng at your sex life and seeing what needs to be changed, from little things like a particular type of contraception to the whole attitude to your body as capable of experiencing sexual pleasure. (Being a demure lady doesn't pay off in terms of great orgasms, so telling a partner to move in a different way, with a different speed or under different angle, and trying things is what it means to be "active". It is simply a skill to learn for your own benefit.)

From Lynda Roberts

Re: Loose Women: loose women is a great show full of fun the presenters are garet and they have some fantastic guests on

From mitchell m. haas

Re: Taboo for who?: my dad thought 'cunt' was a severely punishable inquiry, as even when i asked if the word 'cunt' meant he got lividly angry, even while i had two friends over that deared me to ask him. mom was nearby. i was pretty upset with him for reacting that way. his answer was that it was 'a very bad word!' having to do with a woman's genitals, but i think he also indicated that there was something more disturbing, maybe something about the slit. but really i think it was because my mother was in the room. she probably wanted to see some punishment because she's very unhealthy, and after he died when i was 10 years old, she drank incesantly despite the fact that she gave him her word that she would stop drinking as well as to his best friend who was attacked for trying to intervene against her drinking, and then she told me still as a little boy that he tried make to make love to her so that i would be unsettled by him. so woman have to be nice about the 'cunt' word also, and not get angry and feel inferior, and like to watch their friends get beat up to help them with their inner insecurities.

From Bill

Re: 300 Spartans and one strong broad: The 300 is a MOVIE. A MOVIE. This so-called analysis smacks so obviously of tired 2nd / 3rd wave feminism, that is irrelevant. It's just a movie, dear.

From Prefer not to say

Re: Are you married? If not, why not?: Why do you really bother with all this? It really is your inner imbalances, psychologically speaking, trying to fight \"unjustice\". You all must have problems with yourselves which you are trying to project onto the world. Why not just leave the whole issue of marriage alone? Do as you please, but let others choose for themselves. It looks to me, and not just to me, that deep inside you are feeiling so inferior that you need to find a cause for your misery in the outside world, or are you perhaps like those Christians and the Church that you detest so much, that you absolutely need to proceletyse about something that for most people has no significance. Please don\'t pollute the Internet with your hatered!

From jethro

Re: Gifts for her: i find it hard to believe that stereotypical feminist views still exist within a society today, surely to have a choice on how you live your life is the most important thing and if women in relationships choose to live a stereotypical female life of provision for the people they love why should they be critisised for a making a choice that may seem alien to feminist "thinkers", I am a man, I cook, i bath the kids, I wake my girlfriend with tea, I tidy up, we share the burdens that life throws at us because we love each other, i also work. My daughter loves pretending to cook and helps with the house work, she is 2 years old, we have not "socialy conditioned" her, it is what she likes to do, I shall be making her a kitchen of her own so that she can play and have fun doing what she likes, my son who is 5years old is also looking forward to playing with the kitchen, My daughter also likes to play with dolls, we didnt teach her that either, its just the way we are as a people, children are innocent minds that display our natrual instincts and they do not deny themselves what the want or like but will fight what they dont, those with children may understand this if they dont then they should spend more time watching their kids

From Snusket

Re: Deconstructing masculinity: on male aggression: wow I do not know where to start. your article is so full of wrong claims and non-sense, it is simply unbelievable. You have let your fantasy run wild. Where do you get the idea that 1 in 4 women are victims of domestic violence? What makes you think there is some kind of "male crisis" at work making males more violent? Where is the evidence that men become "hype masculine" due to women working more? Oh, my god...

From Lucy Reese

Re: Yummy-mummy or pramface?: What a brilliant article. You completely get the way in which motherhood has become the ultimate stick to beat women with - young and poor, older, single etc.

In fact all mothers are TERRIBLE PEOPLE unless they are rich and pretty and ideally don't go to work (being a glamour model is probably ok but that's about it).

I am a 37 year old working mother who is basically made to feel like a second class citizen/war criminal/child abuser because I'm not a yummy mummy.

Being a working mother in 2007 is seen as a sign of failure - basically it means you haven't scored a rich enough bloke to spend your days doing yoga/at the plastic surgeons.

If you want a really good vom, then read that "book" by the dreadful Jools Oliver.

That's what women are supposed to be like in 2007.

It's like the 1950s only worse!

From Charlotte

Re: Skirting the issue: "We've heard all the arguments before, but it's worth reiterating that that "daily natural discharge" they mention is dealt with fairly effectively by the humble knicker."

I do agree that sanitary products have been unneccesarily and opportunistically flogged to women, but I beg to differ on this particular point. I do need to use pantyliners everyday as I get a lot of discharge. I actually find them really useful because a normal sanitary towel is too much padding to wear every day. MY knickers can't cope with my slippery vagina! Just a point...

From John Ndege

Hello, I am a fan of the F-word and read it quite regularly. When will you let your articles open to comments. The site needs a blog and some interactivity. Solving issues of gender inequality requires a debate. Its too one way with your site. Let the people reply!